Jan. 24, 1995
Thank you for the photos. (ed: of sangha members wearing T-shirts with Frankie's logo designs on them). I'm glad you were able to use some of the designs. I'm just sorry there couldn't have been more. And I got the opportunity to see a few of the other members of the sangha. : ) Who knows, someday I could be free and meet them all. : )

Well, I'm really looking forward to meeting the Rinpoche! This will be a big day in my life but has he been approved? Have you talked to the chaplain? I'm going to try and see him today! And I'll check on some of this.

A Sandi Formica sent me two plaster Buddha's - Padmasambhava Blessed by Lama Tharchin. They were given to me. The Buddha you sent, I still haven't received yet. But we had it moved from the mail room at the front gate to inside the prison (chaplain's office). For all practical purposes the warden thinks it was sent back. I'm sure I'll get it soon. I'll let you know. : )

Jan. 26, 1995
Hello again. : ) This will be a few quick lines to thank you again for the Buddha - I got it yesterday afternoon. Thank you. Its my most prized possession! : ) I now have it on my shrine, along with my other ones. But this one has the best seat. : )

Also, I received an approval for Lama Tharchin Rinpoche. I asked the Chaplain how hard would it be to get a contact visit with him and he said it shouldn't be a problem. so if that interests you, let me know. I've been considering some questions I'd like to ask him but will probably just go with the flow and see what he has to say. I'm a nervous wreck. I feel like I'm meeting the Buddha himself. - I guess in a way I am.

March 16, 1995
Hello! : ) ...Thanks for explaining the refuge vows. I more or less knew what they were but wasn't sure!

Have you located the book "White Sail" that Rinpoche said I should read? If you're worried about it getting to me, don't, and I will send it back as soon as I finish it. I promise. : )

Feb. 14 th there was a big shakedown on death row and those Catholics got in to all kinds of trouble. They were escaping. There was a hole in the wall and part of the window cut out. They had all kinds of contraband. Knifes, dope and other stuff. They took a lot of stuff from everyone. They took my incense and candles and haven't yet given them back. I did talk to the new warden about them yesterday. He said he'd get back to me on it(?) Also they stopped the Catholic church from giving out candy on Wed. and have moved a lot of people into different cells. I now have a TV partner. He's ok. : ) I've been friends with him for years. He still calls me "3 fingered wu". But it's ok. I've asked him not to but he hasn't stopped. It's no big deal. Ha Ha. I call him "sweat smell" instead of Fretwell. : )

... Then last week they set an execution date on my friend Richard Snell. He's 64 and got here about 60 days before I did. I'll miss him very much. We talked today on the yard. He told me he was going to leave me his new shoes. : ) I "have" to take them. It would offend him if I didn't. He knows how I feel about this kind of thing - or I thought he did. Right now he's got my book. "The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying". I hope he reads it, he said he would.

My parents have not written or sent me any money to me since Dec!!!!!!! So I called home and talked to my mom. She said my dad was sick and had been for awhile and she was too and the government has messed up their SS checks. And she missed me! At least they're kind of ok. Both are 75, or, my mom will be the 19 th. I wish I was there taking care of them instead of here.

... Well, I'd like to thank you again and George and Everyone else who helped in me getting to meet the Rinpoche. It was great. I couldn't sleep the night before. Then when you were late I was scared you wouldn't come. : ) But it all worked out for the good.

May 25, 1995
Yes I received the book "White Sail" and when I'm finished with it I'll send it to you. Thank you for getting it for me. I appreciate it. It's not a book you simply read from beginning to end. There's a lot in it that my simple brain needs to try to absorb. : ) I'm not the smartest person you'll ever meet. : )

No, they haven't returned my meditation supplies yet. The warden seems to be willing to work with me. But what he said he needs is someone from the sangha to call him and tell him I require these items. (candles and incense). He doesn't trust me. : ) It's not that I absolutely need them. I have had them for years and that was my morning ritual. While everyone was asleep I'd get up, fold up my bed which is a mattress, wash my face, brush my teeth, have a cup of hot tea. Then I'd light a candle and a stick of incense and I'd meditate for about 20-30 minutes. Every morning. I just got where that was a big part of my life. Now I have this feeling that - well that I'm cheating or not meditating right. I have sat and stared at a wall. Like I say its not that I "Have" to have them. So if you would call this warden and talk to him I'm sure he'll give them back. His name is ............ (ed. this warden is no longer there)

As you can see by the news and the paper we've had a lot of problems here on death row. It all centers around 4 people who have caused all the trouble. They had guns, knives, gunpowder, all kinds of contraband. They were buying guards and one assistant warden, the one who locked me up last year for them. This warden (new) has barred those Catholics (volunteers) out of here. Its only temp. But I hear its for good.

... D.H. told the warden I had a knife and was going to kill him. so they shook down my cell and found nothing. Which is the something they've found for years. D.H. does have good reason to fear for his life - but not from me. The only way I'd ever kill anyone is if I have to protect my own miserable life. : ) But then I think I'd simply avoid whoever wanted to do me harm.

When I took up studying and practicing the Dharma I felt it would be hard in here. And it is. But I endeavor to persevere. : )

My appeal was argued April 10 in St. Louis, 8th Circuit. The lawyer says he thinks it went well as do a few other lawyers who were there too. But between you and me - who cares : ) If it stays the way it is now - I'll go back to Benton Co. for another sentencing phase. And I'll try and get out of that (ie) waive my right to be present in the court room.

Dec. 11, 1995
... My appeal was filed last month. This is the next to the last one. As you may have heard. There was a guard killed here last week. Things are very tense here. As it should be after that. I have been keeping a low profile. : )

Still waiting for the reinstatement of all of my art stuff. But that can wait. : )

January 18, 1996
Just a few lines to say hello and to say thanks for the Christmas present. : ) I'm sorry I haven't written earlier. I've been dead! : ) Well close to it. I had "the flu". If I would have had the strength I would of hung myself. It seemed a quicker way to die. : ) Alls well now and I'm catching up on my past due letters.

Happy New Year! 1996. Wow. And my Mom never thought I'd live to see 21. Ha Ha This is my last year here. And between you and me - I'm ready to leave here. : ) I've been reading the Tibetan Book of the Dead a lot which I find hard to comprehend. So I reread a lot of it. Like this Thangka you sent me. I stare at it a lot too. : ) I put it on my alter. (It's beautiful) Anyway. I'm not sure about all I read in the Book of the Dead. But I'll keep trying.

Our warden was demoted yesterday and so far we haven't gotten another one yet. Warden ........ was a master of the "slow play". Never getting around to doing anything. He still never gave me the incense back. So I'll keep trying. : ) It gives me something to do. : )

I witnessed the guard being killed. It happened right across from my cell. I'm in 7 and the killing was in 5. But I saw the whole thing. It sure shook up things here. Its only gotten worse here.

Sandi has never wrote me and if she did I don't know what we here could do for the auction. We've not been allowed to receive art supplies in almost a year. I have no origami paper or calligraphy ink. Maybe the new warden will let up on us. I would have did better than last year.

... My Mom has developed diabetis and my Dad has T.B.. Both seem to be doing well. A lady comes twice a day to give Mom her shots and Dad his pills. Mom says he hates them. Both are 76 years old. They worry about me and I worry about them. It's a never ending cycle.

March 7, 1996
I've been approved for contact visits. We visit in a room without the glass. They approved about 8 or 10 or us and since I was a good boy I was one of them. Mon. and Tue. I got to touch my Mom and Dad for the first time in over 10 years. It felt great. : ) It was the first time in years someone has hugged me. Kind of felt strange. My Mom cried.

Next week a friend will visit from Rogers. 2 visits in a month. : )

What I meant by saying this was my last year is because it is! Feb 8th the US Supreme Ct. refused to hear my appeal. I'm out of appeals. Jeff R. says he'll file something else. One of those last minute appeals. the Attorney Generals office says they won't try and kill me while (Gov) Tucker's trial's on. Said it would look bad. : ) R. says maybe the end of May or June could be it for me. I say! Ok. : )

... I wanted to try and figure out my last statement I'll give. Like when I'm being executed.! I thought I'd just say, I seek Refuge in the Buddha, Dharma and Sangha.

... I'll not be seeking clemency. No one has ever received it nor will anyone. Between you and me, I could care less. What I have coming is my due. So why try and avoid karma? : ) Everyone dies and is dying. I'm no one special.

March 29, 1996

... I really hate to bother you while you're at this retreat. But since you asked me to let you know when I had an execution date for sure to write you. So here I am! : ) That date is May 29th.

Jeff R. said he'll file a Rule 37 Monday asking the Arkansas Supreme Court to stay the execution and he told me there was a good chance they would. But yesterday on the news he told the press there wasn't much hope. I wish he would of told me that first.

I have a few questions for you. What should my last words be? I was thinking of saying. "I seek refuge in the Buddha, Dharma and the Sangha." But if you could think of anything that would be better, maybe even ask Lama Tharchin Rinpoche what his thoughts are on it. I'm not locked in on anything.

... DO NOT cut your trip short for me. I'll be ok one way or the other. : ) I would like to see you and get your input before I go but would feel absolutely awful if you cut your trip short.

You take care, get well, and don't worry about me till you get home.

April 15, 1996
I waited to answer your last two letters till after I talked to the warden. I appreciate that you want to be with me at (the) last but you can't! They will only let you be with me up till the last day. The 29th, I won't be allowed visitors. But the restriction on visits will more or less be suspended the last week. So we have a week to take care of the Phowa and anything else too.

... I do very very much want the Phowa. I've been reading about it in the book you sent me. Also I wonder if it would be possible for Rinpoche to visit me again? Since I now have contact visits we won't have to visit like last time...

I understand Kobutsu has put me on the internet and the WWW to encourage Buddhists to write this governor and ask him to stop the execution. Of course I doubt very serious if he would or could since the death penalty is so political. I hope he's not too upset when he sees how the system works.

The people who work here don't want me executed but their wants don't count either. : )

Jean Crume wrote me and wanted me to answer some questions, kind of an interview, so I did that for her. I told her there are people on my approved visiting list who've never visited me from the sangha that I would like to meet.

Since I've discovered the Dharma I've tried to live my life as if I were a Buddha and I've only had me and what books I could get into this prison. I probably am not the greatest Buddhist to have ever lived. But I know I'm the most devoted. I live each and every day as best I can. I practice every day and I use my day as a practice. I might not know all the Buddhist terms and ways but I am what you would call a good Buddhist. I see the Phowa as a way to erase my karma that was bad. That I caused under the influence of samsara. ANNA. I look forward to you helping me there. I have to start in the Pure Land for all those who live a deluded existence. I pray my execution helps someone -"other than me!!!!" Do you see what I mean here? : )

I start my practice at about 4 AM our time. Its the time before breakfast and its usually quiet, with everyone asleep. (I'm awake while others dream) I have always included all the members of the sangha in my prayers. Especially you.! : ) You're the only one who saw past the crimes I committed and saw I was a true seeker. That it was hard for me to be put into that circle of ignorance most people find themselves in when dealing with religion. I saw, after studying the dharma, it was "the only way to freedom." Not from prison but from ignorance and the sleep we all are trapped in - to become awake. I've tried - I hope I've reached at least part way. So if you're up at 4 AM my time, we'll practice together. If not, you tell me when you practice and I'll try and match you here.

Boy, I'm not looking forward to this at all. The execution is no big deal. It's what I have coming. It's all the people. My parents, friends, and family. Every Christian preacher who wants me to accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and savior before I go. I've been attacked here lately. Notes thrown in my cell encouraging me to accept Christ which I read and throw away. The.................. sends idiots to my cell which I respectfully turn away. People write me wishing me good luck and some who wish a slow and painful death. I've been locked in a cell 8'X10' alone for over 11 years. People make me nervous. I wish I could just avoid it all. But I know the visitors are here for themselves more than me. Especially my friends and family. My sisters who have each visited me once will be here crying which will make my parents cry which will make me - upset. I refuse to cry. I have trouble not wishing it to hurry up - which my friends here would be more than happy to do for me. If it was my choice. They'd rather kill me than let the state do it. (Kind of a Dr. Kovorkian deal.)

I'm back. I had to go see the head chaplain Holly! ...He explained a lot of stuff. Even if you were a qualified Buddhist master they wouldn't allow a female back there where I'll be. I asked why that was and his answer was simply "policy". And until that's changed it'll remain that way.

I do not like it that these people who are so against me and my beliefs have such power over me. But he assured me I'll get all I am allowed -whatever that means. : ) I guess that's the execution itself.

... I will reread the Tibetan Book of Living and Dying concerning the Phowa. And I'll see what the Book of the Dead says too. Are you ready to give it to me? : ) Come on. : )
...

PS. I have to go get weighed and measured for the BIG SHOT. They have to make sure they have enough. : ) They want me to eat first. : )

May 17, 1996
So I see on the news I've instructed my attorney not to appeal! Ha Ha I assure you that's not the case. I do want a stay but we feel its better if we wait for Tucker's trial to end and if he gets found guilty Jeff R seems to think there's a good chance for clemency. If he's not convicted we'll seek a stay in Federal Court. Which is not a sure thing. But either way, death or life is cool with me. : )

I'm trying to get permission to remove some cash off my account so I can offer Rinpoche a small gift with the kata.

... Some of these idiots here (inmates and just a few) have started yelling things at me. One guy in particular (a gang banger) yelled stuff at me for an hour or more yesterday. He said stuff like The Buddha can't help you now and other stupid stuff. I laughed. After I thought about it I saw his outburst for what it was. His way of going thru this execution and his fear of death . I've never gave this guy one reason to yell at or anything for that matter. His fear was blatantly evident. He'll have to grow a lot spiritually before he grows out of that. Some of the others "checked him" (made him shup up.) I never said a word. I did laugh at some of the stupid shit he was saying.

One of my friends said I'm going to slit his throat for that. I told him to forget it and explained why I felt he was doing it. He laughed too.

You said for me to tell you what I want. To be honest I don't want or need anything. I'm doing ok and have no desire for anything.

... Well, I'm out of here. Going to get some sun. : ) Better get all I can before I head to Club Med. : )

... P. S. You didn't return from Hawaii just for me did you? I sure hope not.

(ed. Frankie was given a reprieve on the May 29 execution date and the date was first reset for July , then 2 different dates set in August, then it was set for Sept. 17. All of this was because Gov. Jim Guy Tucker was being tried on Whitewater related charges, found guilty, resigned his office and was replaced by Lt. Gov. Mike Huckabee. When Huckabee took office on July 15, his first major act as governor was to move Frankie Parker's execution date back to August 8, 1996.)

June 30, 1996
I'm sure you're aware of the state's latest move, putting off the execution to sometime unknown which is cool with me. I have an idea - Nov. 14, 2050

I appreciate your help with the media. And don't sweat too much this Philip Martin article. It wasn't the greatest article but it wasn't the worse either. It reminds me of a story I read years ago. It was hundreds of years ago in Japan. A young girl came up pregnant which was a big no no at that time. Her father was out for blood. She didn't want her lover killed. so she told him it was the town's Zen master who she knew her father would not harm. So it was the system of their area to go to the village square and make your accusations which he did. The Zen master was in his mid to late 60's. The father took the girl's hand and placed it in the Zen master's hand. The father said you have dishonored my girl. Now she is yours. The Zen master said simply, "Is that so." He knew the child was not his. But he took the girl home, provided for her and took care of her till she gave birth. The baby was born and the master cared for it like it was his own. The guilt was working on the girl daily. She knew she had wronged this kind old man. And she knew he had not ever denied anything nor asked her who the father was. Then one day she went to her father and confessed everything. He felt terrible about what he'd done to the old Zen master. So as was the custom, he called the old man to the village square and said I have wronged you. You are not the child's father. My daughter lied to protect the real lover. The old Zen master said, "Is that so." I think the message here is let people say what they feel they have to say. Nothing we can do or say can change what's already said. How do you unring a bell? You can't.

If this man feels I'm playing some kind of con what that could be I have no idea? : ) I don't think he understands Buddhism so we must forgive his ignorance. Cause if he understood we Buddhists he would know before we set out on this journey the first thing one needs to know is what is the objective of the Buddhist life? Cause without the full knowledge of this you're like a blind man running wild. : ) The objective is simple! : ) To see into the nature of one's own being. I doubt if anyone has a nature of a con. Surely not I nor anyone else. Cause when you get into this part of yourself there can be no falsehood. Only pure thoughts. Only pure actions. This poor Mr. Martin just doesn't understand. : ) So my dear friend, don't let this trouble your mind. : ) There's no such thing as mind. : ) Ha Ha So how can this be a problem. ...

My son and his lovely wife came to visit me and was supposed to return the next day but didn't. I was afraid I'd said something wrong. They wrote later to tell me what happened. Car trouble! It broke down and then they missed the 8 AM visit so they headed home after they got the car started. But it broke down this side of WACO. It cost $200 bucks to repair. But alls well now and they say they'll try and come back in July. My youngest son's a different story.:(

July 12, 1996
I met Mary and Ellis (ed. 2 sangha members) yesterday for the first time. And you know me, I talk too much. But all in all I think it went well. Mary wrote me that she wasn't too sure about me till she talked to Kobutsu. I know how the thought of murder and the person who did the murder effects people. I just try and be who I've grown to be and if they accept me for who I am now and get past what I did then great. If not, well, that's ok too. She did ask some questions that I gave my "unbiased opinion" on. : ) Ha Ha. Well, maybe a little biased. : ) Most were of a spiritual nature. She agreed with some of them ...I think. Anyway, It was great to meet them both.

I have a ton of mail to write this weekend. I have 33 letters to answer. You would think an inmate on death row would have plenty of time to write. : ) I don't. People have this image of death row convicts pacing their cell, scheming on the guards, and planning escapes.! : ) Some do, but, this one stays busy with right thoughts and right works. : )