Aicha Bobai - Part 2
Dear Mr. Peeters,
Bless you, my brother, in the name of all the Lambs of Moab's blood. I implore you to take Mrs. Bobai's plight to heart and accept my money to give to her. I do not trust her vampyric landlords one iota, and I suspect that they are holding her against her will. She is facing grave danger to her virtue, Mr. Peeters, and you and I must SAVE her! Please discover if there is another person that I could send Aicha's money to in order that she not be stolen from.
Bless you in the name of the Father, the Son and the Moab Corporation.
Sincerely, Rev. Robert K. Keller
My Beloved Sister Aicha,
I have written to Mr. Peeeters, and we are doing ALL IN OUR POWER to get the funds to you and to keep them out of the hands of your UNHOLY INQUISITORS! Please keep your virtue intact and DO NOT SATTLE with these filthy demons! You must keep your pants on THROUGHOUT this ordeal and not submit to their unGodly carnal desires.
Sincerely, Rev. Robert K. Keller
SIR,
IN THIS CASE, SINCE I AM NOT PRESENTLY IN THE COUNTRY NOW TO RECEIVE THIS MONEY, TO ACCEPT YOUR DEMAND I WILL INSTRUCT YOU TO SEND THE MONEY WITH MY SECRETARY'S NAME AND SEND THE WESTER UNION INFORMATION TO ME, SO THAT I WILL CALL MY SECRETARY FIRST THING ON MONDAY MORNING AND FORWARD THE INFORMATIONS TO HER TO ENABLE HER GO TO ANY WESTER UNION OFFICE IN COTE D'IVOIRE TO PICK THE MONEY.
SO, WHAT YOU NEED TO DO NOW IS TO GET TO MRS. AICHA AND INFORMED HER TO GO TO MY OFFICE IMMEDIATELY YOU SEND THE MONEY TO MEET MY SECRETARY IN OTHER TO COLLECT HER MONEY.
YOURS IN SERVICE, MR. PAUL PETEERS
NOTE: SEE BELOW INFORMATION OF MY SECRETARY:
MISS PHILOMINA DURU
ABIDJAN - COTE D'IVOIRE
Dear brother Rev. Robert,
I am very happy that you are in communication with Mr. Peteers, please my dear brother trust your sister, I will not go to any thing contrary to the Law of our heavenly father.
So, my brother the only sattlement I have to make with this people is to pay them for my accumodation fees, nothing more, so be well assured that your sister is a real born again in the Lord, so I know what is good to do that will glorify the name of our beloved heavenly father.
Please my brother, I am looking forward to hear from you soon to enable me know your conclusion with Mr. Peteers and how I will get money to pay for the charges in the guet management.
Thanks and remian blessed in the name of our beloved father Amen.
Yours beloved sister, Sister Aicha
Dear Mr. Peeters,
Bless you, my friend for this information about sending dear Mrs. Bobai some paltry funds to enable her escaping the evil clutches of her rapacious landlords. I will wire MISS PHILOMINA DURU $4,000 today in order that our BELOVED AICHA not be fed willy nilly to the wolves, so to speak.
Yours in the Blood of the Lamb of Wotan, Rev. Robert K. Keller
Dear Beloved Sister Aicha,
Praise the Lord, for Mr. Peeeters has found a solution to our problems! He has suggested that I send $4,000 immediately to MISS PHILOMINA DURU at his Abidjan office. Will this work for you? I hope you haven't SATTLED with any of those filthy landlords on a grimy, smelly mattress that hasn't had the bedding changed in a couple of giga-epochs. Please maintain your virtue, dear Sister, and I will let you know when the money has been sent.
Yours in the Moably Lambs of Wotan's fulsome Priapism,
Rev. Robert K. Keller
DEAR REV. ROBERT,
I HAVE NOTED YOUR INFORMATIONS, I AM NOW WAITING TO RECEIVE THE WESTER UNION INFORMATIONS IMMEDIATELY YOU MAKE THE PAYMENT WITH MY SECRETARY MISS PHILOMINA DURU , SO THAT I WILL CALL HER IMMEDIATELY AND FURNISH HER WITH THE INFORMATIONS TO PICK UP THE MONEY.
YOURS IN SERVICE, MR. PAUL PETEERS
Dear Mr. Peeters,
Please find attached the information for dear Mrs. Bobai's money. I have enclosed the Western Union information as an attachment. Please let me know that this has gotten through to you and that you have forwarded this DESPERATE information to your secretary. As soon as Aicha has received the funds, PLEASE make sure she escapes from the DASTARDLY LANDLORDS. In Moab's name we pray, amen.
Sincerely, Rev. Robert K. Keller
My Beloved Aicha,
Please be informed that I have just now sent a Western Union money order to Mr. Peeeters' secretary. I have also sent Mr. Peeters a copy of the receipt with the code number on it. The question is: "What's the word?" The answer is: "Thunderbird." Use these phrases to get the money from Western Union and, for the love of Moab's Bloody Lambs, GET AWAY FROM THOSE HORNY LANDLORDS!!!!!
Sincerely, Rev. Robert K. Keller
Dear beloved brother Rev. Robert ,
I am more than happy over the contents of your mail towards getting my suitation solved.
I have heard what you said wish to admire you that is okay for me, so I will be waiting for your information immediately you send money to the secretary to enable me go to their bank to meet her for the collecting of the money from her.
Thanks and remain blessed in the Lord,
Yours beloved sister in Christ, Sister Aicha
Dear Beloved Sister Aicha,
Mr. Peeeters has in his hands the receipt for $4,000, which is now waiting for you at Western Union. Please let me know when you got it. I'd like for you to promise me that you will NOT sattle with Dr. Joel or any of the landlords. Indeed, I would like to see Dr. Joel DRAWN and QUARTERED at DAWN. Would this be possible do you think?
With the Blood of Lambly Moab in Hand, Rev. Robert K. Keller
DEAR REV. ROBERT,
IS AN ASTONISH THING TO ME RECEIVING A MAIL FROM MY SECRETARY AFTER FORWARDING HER THE INFORMATIONS WHICH YOU SENT TO ME TOWARDS PICKING OF THE MONEY SEND TO MRS. AICHA THROUGH MY SECRETARY'S NAME MISS PHILOMINA DURU, ACCORDING TO THE CONTENTS OF HER MAIL THIS AFTERNOON, SHE MADE ME TO UNDERSTAND THAT SHE HAVE VISITED THE WESTERN UNION OFFICE AND AFTER ALL THE VERIFICATIONS/SEARCH, THE LADY WORKING IN THE WAESTERN UNION TOLD HER THAT THERE WAS KNOW PAYMENT MAKE WITH HER NAME AND THERE KNOW CONTROL LIKE THE ONE IN THE WESTERN UNION SLIP WHICH YOU SENT TO ME, ALSO THERE WAS KNOW NAME LIKE YOUR BEING THE SENDER.
SO, REV. ROBERT I WILL LIKE YOU TO SORT THIS SUITATION OUT WITH THE WESTERN UNION OFFICE WHERE YOU MADE THE PAYMENT AND CONFIRM EXTACTLY WHAT IS PROBLEM IN THE INFORMATION GIVING TO YOU PERTAINING THE PAYMENT OF THE MONEY AND AS WELL GET BACK TO ME WITH A GOOD INFORMATIONS TO COLLECT THE MONEY, SO THAT I WILL FORWARD IT TO MY SECRETARY AND DON'T ENDAVIOUR TO SCAN THE CORRECT WESTER UNION SLIP AND AS WELL WRITE DOWN ALL THE CORRECT INFORMATION BOTH THE QUESTION AND ANSWER INCLUIDNG THE WESTER UNION CONTROL NUMBERS.
WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON
YOURS IN SERVICE, MR. PAUL PETEERS
NOTE: ACCORDING TO MY SECRETARY MISS PHILOMINA, SHE TOLD ME THAT MRS. AICHA EVEN CAME TO MY OFFICE TO LET HER KNOW THAT SHE HAVE RECEIVE INFORMATION FROM YOU TOWARDS THE MONEY THAT YOU SEND TO HER THROUGH MY SECRETARY, SHE EVEN COME WITH THE QUESTION AND ANSWER WHICH YOU SEND TO HER ALSO.
Dear Mr. Peeeters,
Imagine my chagrin upon receiving your email and realizing that dear Aicha is still in the evil clutches of the LUSTY LANDLORDS. I cannot imagine what is the problem. I sent my secretary, Mrs. Creosote, to the Western Union office with $4,000 and she brought back the receipt which I scanned and emailed to you. I shall indeed contact the Western Union office to discover what is wrong.
Meanwhile, have you heard anything from Aicha? Has she submitted to the CARNAL DESIRES of these vicious, lust-crazed landlords? I sincerely hope she has not SATTLED with them, or at least if she has been forced to, that they have worn condoms and practiced safe sex.
I will let you know what I've discovered from Western Union by this afternoon.
Sincerely, Rev. Robert K. Keller
DEAR REV. ROBERT,
THANK YOU FOR YOUR MAIL THIS EVENING TOWARDS CONFIRMING THE RECEIPT OF MY MAIL TO YOU CONCERNING THE PROBLEM IN RECEIVING THE MONEY FROM THE WESTERN UNION THROUGH MY SECRETARY MISS PHILOMINA.
I WILL BE WAITING FORWARD TO HEAR FURTHER FROM YOU AFTER YOU MIGHT HAVE CORRECT THE ERROR IN SENDING THIS MONEY WITH THE WESTERN UNION OFFICE. BESIDES, REGARDING TO YOUR QUESTION, I DIDN'T RECEIVE FURTHER INFORMATIONS ABOUT MRS. AICHA, DESPITE THE INFORMATION MY SECRETARY GAVE TO ME THAT SHE CAME IN MY OFFICE.
WAITING TO RECEIVE CORRECT INFORMATIONS TO CORRECT THIS MONEY TO ENABLE ME FORWARD IT IMMEDIATELY TO MY SECRETARY AS SOON AS I RECEIVE IT FROM YOU.
YOURS IN SERVICE, MR. PAUL PETEERS
My Beloved Sister in the Lambs' Blood,
Hearken! I have discovered the mistake and it has been rectified, dear one. Please return to Western Union and retrieve the money so that you may be GONE from that DEN OF INIQUITY those OPIUM-ADDICT LANDLORDS have constructed in order to sully the very INNER BEING of so humble, honest and God Fearing a person as your esteemed self. It was merely a computer error traced to my incompetent secretary, Mrs. Creosote. Please endeavor to rapidly escape from THOSE RAPIST THUGS!
Also, I have heard nothing about the fate of Dr. Joel. I do hope that his punishment is rather severe and protracted. Have you or Mr. Peeeters considered the insulting sop a candidate for CHINESE WATER TORTURE followed by BEHEADING? I certainly have and would deign compel you toward this JUSTIFIABLE treatment of the scoundrel.
Please email me, my LOVING AICHA, and let me know when you have retrieved the money.
Yours in TEN BILLION ZILLION Bloody Moab-created Lambs of Wotan,
Rev. Robert K. Keller
Dear Mr. Peeeters,
Glory to the Lambs of Moab's Bloody Jesus, amen. I have discovered the mistake regarding funding beloved Aicha's escape from those groping, licentious LANDLORDS FROM THE PIT! I dispatched my secretary, Mrs. Creosote to the Western Union office to discover what further perfidy emboldens the demons which seem keen on delivering Aicha's frail body into the hands of RAPIST PORNOGRAPHERS, and to inquire about the failed transfer of the funds. Of the former, she could not compel the clerks at WU to divulge anything. Of the latter, however, she discovered that it was merely a computer error. She had put her own name in place of mine in a crucial database field and therefore my own name wasn't showing up on your end. Everything is fine now, according to Mrs. Creosote. Indeed, my nubile secretary (that's a joke, Mr. Peeters; she's actually quite the wildebeastie) swore on HER MOTHER'S GRAVE that she'd straightened things out. Curiously she also provided something of a manifesto detailing her earlier sally to the offices of Western Union and going quite into detail her interaction with the WU clerks. Being a tome of some 560 pages, I thought this somewhat suspicious. So I began to read. Mr. Peeeters, a DARK tale began to emerge as I slowly, fearfully absorbed the words Mrs. Creosote had written. It was some sort of arcane apology for FAILING ME. I don't understand it in the least. Perhaps you can offer some illumination upon this bizarre series of events?
At any rate, Dame Creosote has called me four times in the last 45 seconds, even as I type this, and again SWORE ON HER MOTHER'S DEAD BODY that she indeed DID hand over the $4,000 to the clerks at Western Union.
So I'm certain it's there.
Sincerely, Rev. Robert K. Keller
DEAR REV. ROBERT,
I AM IN RECEIPT OF YOUR MAIL THIS MORNING AND APPRECIATE ALL YOUR EFFORTS TO HELP MRS. AICHA TOWARDS HER PRESENT CONDITION.
SO, SIR I HAVE NOTED ALL YOU SAID THAT CAUSE THE ERROR ON THE PAYMENTS, I HAVE THIS MORNING FORWARDED YOUR INFORMATIONS TO MY SECRETARY AND WILL BE LOOKING FORWARD TO HEAR FROM HER TOWARDS CONFIRMING WHETHER SHE HAVE COLLECTED THE MONEY OR NOT.
PLEASE SIR, WHAT YOU NEED TO DO NOW IS TO WRITE TO YOUR SISTER AND INSTRUCT HER TO GO TO MY OFFICE TO SEE MY SECRETARY BECAUSE I HAVE INSTRUCTED MY SECRETARY TO HANDLE HER OVER THE MONEY IMMEDIATELY SHE COME OUT FROM THE WESTERN UNION OFFICE WITH THE MONEY.
I WILL GET BACK TO YOU AS SOON AS I CONFIRM FROM MY SECRETARY.
YOURS IN SERVICE, MR. PAUL PETEERS
Dear Mr. Peeters,
Bless you again for your email and I have prayed over this event to be reconciled effectively to allow Mrs. Bobai to RUN AWAY FAST from those scoundrels who call themselves landlords but who are actually SATANIC RAPISTS! Please let me know when my CLOSE TO DEATH SISTER has received the money.
Yours in the Blood, Rev. Robert K. Keller
Blessed Sister Aicha,
Good morning, dear one. Mr. Peeeters has instructed me to inform you to travel to his secretary's office in order that you may accompany her to the Western Union office to pick up the money, since the SNAFU has been eradicated. With this money I pray that you will escape the LUSTY LANDLORDS' foul grip and be immersed forever in a 50 gallon vat of the BLOOD OF MOAB'S LAMBS. This I pray, my loving SISTER IN CHRIST!
You still have not informed me of the punishment doled out to that detestable MONGOLOID Dr. Joel. I suggest that he immediately be broken on the wheel and then flayed alive. Although no punishment is too severe for this HEATHEN NECROPHILIAC, I would settle for the above punishment as retribution for his comments about having his foul way with my DEAD MOM'S CORPSE.
Blessed Sister, how are you feeling? Do you think you might DIE this week or will you be holding on for awhile longer? This I pray in the MIGHTY name of all ODIN'S consorts, who sometimes dip their wicks into the LAMB'S of Moab nightly for reasons incomprehensible to most people.
I pray you haven't been forced to SATTLE with the vicious landlords. But if you have, I suggest douching with a 50/50 mixture of lemonade and muriatic acid to prevent infection or pregnancy.
Yours in OCEANS of Lambs' Blood, Rev. Robert K. Keller
Dear Rev. Robert,
Inshort, I am not understanding what you mean by all this informations regards to the western union, my secretary miss Philomina have write to me now and inform me that there is nothing like that informations in the western union, WHY?
Why behaving like this? If you are not ready to help your sister simply tell her than to be coming to my office disturbing my secretary.
Regards, Mr. Paul Peteers
Dear Mr. Peeeters,
Please, I do not understand your tone with me in your previous email. I have done EVERYTHING in my power to assist dear Aicha in fleeing wholesale from the disreputable landlords who insist upon SULLYING Aicha's DYING BODY with their foul, diseased members. I have again telephoned Mrs. Creosote and she again SWORE that she had checked at Western Union and that everything was fine. I do not understand what the problem is. I suspect that it is at YOUR end and that the Western Union clerks at the office there are incompetent, retarded, or worse. Perhaps I should call the Western Union offices myself, although as you are aware, this is what secretaries are for. At any rate, I shall investigate on my own and get back with you as quickly as possible.
Bless you, Mr. Peeeters, in the many Lambs of Blood who Felch not the WOTANLY Moab,
Rev. Robert K. Keller
Attn:Rev Robert,
Sir,
We will advice you to check from the western union to know where the mistake came from.
Thanks for your understanding.
Mr.Paul Peeters AGM
Dear Beloved Rev Robert .
I am sorry to inform you that I am looking for another person to assist before my death,please could you confirm your readiness?
I await for an urgent response to this mail.
Thanks
Sister Aicha
Dearest Beloved Sister in Moab,
PLEASE don't look for help in quarters that may be unsavory! I know that you're probably dizzy and not thinking clearly after who knows HOW many sessions on that filthy, stained mattress with those repugnant, rapacious landlords. I hope you were treated as gently as possible and that nothing internal was torn too badly. Did you receive ANY pleasure from these gross encounters dear Sister? I have informed Mr. Peeeeeeters that all is well and that I will have the funds to send you within a few days. There has been a minor set-back here but it's nothing for you to worry about, my beautiful, glowing, crepuscular SISTER IN THE BLOOD! I will SAVE you YET! Do not be alarmed! Where are you staying now? Have the landlords finished with you or are they even now preparing their diseased, wart-encrusted members for yet another bout of rapine? I certainly hope they're at least decent enough to provide suitable lubrication. Please hold on for TWO MORE DAYS, my dear Aicha and I shall get the funds to you. DO NOT WORRY!!!!
Please let me know that you received this and that you're STILL NOT DEAD.
Yours in ALL the many hindquarters of NINETY-NINE LAMBS of Jesus' Quark-encrusted Moab,
Rev. Robert K. Keller
Dear Mr. Peeters,
I have received your email and all was well understood. I am embarassed and ashamed to tell you that my secretary, Mrs. Creosote, has absconded with the money. She was in collusion with several people at the Western Union office. They took my $4,000 and escaped to Uruguay! They're living it up right now in Montevideo and probably having a good laugh at our expense. But DON'T WORRY, Mr. Peeeeters, I have a quite valuable antique cheese log chair and I'm going to sell it and send Aicha the money. Please tell her to wait a few more days and it'll all be done. Again, I apologize for the piteous actions of my errant secretary.
In the Lambly Blood of Wotan's Lower Moab,
Rev. Robert K. Keller
Dear Mr. Peeeters,
Please inform beloved Aicha that I have indeed sold my antique cheese log chair and have gotten over $34,500 for it. I now have the funds to replace that stolen from me by the crass Mrs. Creosote. Please let me know that you have received this email!
Sincerely,
Rev. Robert K. Keller
Sir,
I have nformed her and will urge you to find a means to send the money through her or directly to our office.
Thanks
Mr.Paul
Dear Mr. Peeters,
I have heard NOTHING from Aicha herself for over two weeks. I fear she has expired from her exertions with the landlords. I sincerely hope that you, sir, are not attempting to take advantage of the situation. I will consider this transaction ended unless I hear from Aicha herself. If she's still alive and you are being honest with me I apologize. If she's dead and gone, then shame one you, Mr. Peeters. You can understand my concern I'm sure.
Sincerely, Rev. Robert K. Keller
Dearest Beloved Sister Aicha,
I'm writing to see if you've actually DIED yet. Please let me know if you're still ALIVE and BREATHING!
Sincerely, Rev. Robert K. Keller