Richmond is quick to pull Joe's ass out of the fire. It was all a "topographical" error.

Sir,

Please there's no need to panic about Mr. Paul, it was a topographical error done by a boy in a business centre whom Joe gave letter to write to you instead of signing Joe's name, he signed his name. Please sorry for this embarrasement. Joe's faith now is in battled as he goes through all this up hill and down dales in search of this promise, I repeat once again, we've come a long way and there has been catalogues of mistakes here and there, one today another one tomorrow.

Send the money to Lagos immediately on my name, no much problem. Joe was not detained in Ghana either but was only an address he used. There' nothing to worry about interpol. Please remove all this from your mind, i am also getting feed up from all this. You know last time you told me Joe should not travel out, but now he is in Lagos with me, I reassuring you that Joe is okay. Please goahead and send the money to Lagos.

Thank you, Richmond Ozobia

Joe's not computer "litterate." That explains things.

Dear Sir,

Sorry for this embarrasement, I will equally feel the same if i am in your shoes, this makes me know you cares for me alot, I appreciate this Dad. There's nobody like Paul that want to steal the money, I am not computer litterate, I only assign my letter to you to a computer operator while I seat by his side but that day, as I gave out this letter to be sent to you, I went to take some snacks and soft drinks, the letter was concluded and signed by one computer operator mistakenly, that is why you saw this name Paul. I didn't have idea not until I read your email. I assure you everything is okay, if you are not comfortable I can email through another box but based on the same spirit with which it began this journey I swear by my late parents that what I am telling you now is the truth. Send the money to Lagos.

How are you doing over there, do you still have time for your business, don't forget your prayers. Richmond also told me he has written psalms for you, to be praying in the night. I use this sentence to confirm to you that is Joe your son that is writing. At this moment I am with Richmond by my side.

We are waiting to hear from you

God Bless, Joe

Yeah, Joe. Use the certificate. It took me FIFTEEN minutes to whip it up in Photoshop!

Dear Sir,

Sorry i forgot to mention about the certificate you asked, you know i am not settled and I am incapable to meet up all this runs, I guess i have to exploit on the use of this certificate and I will give you a feed back

cheers Dad, Joe

Ill winds? Sounds like a RECTAL CAVITY problem to me!

Dear Sir,

I am still holding unto the time you will get back to me. I hope my explaination will resolve all the ill winds blowing around me. I am anxiously waiting to read your next step of action.

Thank you, Joe

Meanwhile, Buffy's anal regions demand IMMEDIATE attention.

My Dear Richmond,

I received your email today and it was SUCH a relief. I thought that Joe had befallen some evil force that we would find difficulty reckoning with. I will send another money order on Monday. As you know it is the weekend and all the offices are closed until Monday. Please tell Joe to HANG ON and keep his rectum clean and to eat a lot of fiber. I've been so worried about his rectal cavity ever since receiving that report.

Richmond, could you please discreetly ask Joe whether or not his bowels are moving regularly? I don't want to embarrass the lad, but as his BRAZILIAN PROCTOLOGIST, I feel the need to absolutely stay in touch with his anus.

Last night my new friend Buffy was so upset when I told her I thought that Joe had been kidnapped that her sphincter clenched up so tightly that I was unable to insert the Voluputlator Interoceter to get a reading of her Psi-pstench. Can you imagine my professional unease? It was quite profound, I must admit.

I must go now and examine Buffy's anal regions. I shall send the money order on Monday.

Sincerely, Dr. Robert K. Keller, M.D., PhD.

I suggest that Joe assault "Paul."

Joe,

You gave me quite a scare there, my son! I sincerely hope that you batted this Paul reprobate about the head and ears with a 2x4 for making such a mistake. As I have just informed Mr. Ozobia, I shall send the money order on Monday as all the Western Union offices here are closed for the weekend.

I would like for you to do me a favor, Joe. Please see if you can discover what Richmond would like for a Christmas present. Don't let him know I asked. I want it to be a surprise.

Write me back soon. Much regards and Merry Xistmas,

Dr. Robert K. Keller, M.D., PhD.

Guess what Richmond wants for Christmas?

Dear Sir,

Compliment of a season. How is your freedom like now? What about the case? We are counting hours as you know towards christmas. I hope the evil forces militating against this money transfer to me will cease to operate against me, I don't know what's going on, if not because of the confidence I had on you Dad, I would have lost hope but all the same you're a jewel of inestimable value, your word is your bound. Lest I forget to mention, we've gone to find out the procedure of claiming western union here,

1. Your full name and full address (Robert K. Keller) what is the full meaning of "K"?
2. Control number
3. Test question and answer (best colour, sky blue)

I hope the same system of money order will be cross checked properly and make sure that the name is in the system because previously in Ghana Joseph Japez was not in the system neither the control number, incase there's difficulties, is there any number we can call?

What you asked me about Richmond, you know Christmas is only few days, gift items might not arrive as schedule, I am thinking if you can add $500 for him, he will appreciate it, I think he need cash for now. He is the one taking care of his family, he's trying a lot God will surely reward you. He went to meet his Pastor to pray for you and he is even fasting for you also, he's commited to seen that you're free at last.

Thanks and God Bless, Joe

Looks like Joe followed my advice about smacking "Paul."

Dear Mr. Keller,

Thank you for your reply. I can now sleep because of Paul's mistake. Do you know Joe came and slapped Paul in the business centre because of that cross error. Joe was angry, I hope you must have written him to calm him down.

I will find out about Joe's bowel later today and I will communicate with you. Try and send the money on my name (RICHMOND I. OZOBIA). Please this area is very important so that I can collect it myself. If it is done 8:00am your time, is likely we will collect it today of first thing tomorrow morning, don't forget to send the transfer order.

I will send another email this evening. Merry christmas in advance

Richmond Ozobia

I attach ANOTHER bogus money order!

Dear Joe,

Good morning, son. Hope everything there is peachy keen. I've read your email and of course I will include an extra $500 for dear old Richmond. Please find attached to this email a different Western Union certificate. I bought this one at a different place so hopefully the incompetent idiots at the previous place won't hold sway over this transaction with their evil powers. I think they're warlocks or Morlocks or something of that nature. In answer to your questions:

1. My full name and address are on the Western Union form. The "K" stands
for Khunthund.

2. Control number is seen on the form.

3. Test question: What is the date of Mars' next opposition to Earth?

Have a very Merry Christmas, Joe. And please pay strict attention to your bowels, anus and rectum. I anticipate evaluating, in person, each of your expiratory functions with many quite large insertion instruments that won't cause any pain or trauma because I always give each of my patients a multitude of pills immediately prior to the exam. You've never told me what your favorite flavor of lubricant is, though. Please let me know when you have cashed the money order. I pray there are no EVIL SPIRITS blocking your way to this money this time.

Dr. Robert K. Keller, M.D., PhD.

I inform Richmond of my childhood accident. PLUS the return of Pancho's Burritos and Discount Money Orders!!!

Dear Richmond,

Did Joe really slap Paul right in the "business centre?" That must have hurt really bad. One time when I was a child I had a bicycle wreck and racked up my "business centre" pretty horrible. I could barely walk for over a month and still can't have any children.

I have written Joe and he instructed me to send the Western Union money order to HIM! So, you can imagine my surprise when I read your email this morning asking that it be sent to you. I have already been to Pancho's Burritos and Discount Money Orders, from where I sent Joe a new, different one. I have included a "little extra" in it for YOU, Richmond. As a special Christmas present from me.

Please do not fail me in your quest for Joe's bowel and anus information. I am building a case file on Joe and may publish my findings as a three-volume set to be entitled, Joe's Anus and Rectum - An Odyssey. Perhaps I'll win the Nobel Prize for RECTAL MEDICINE!!! Wouldn't that be sublime?

Please let me know when Joe receives the money order and how it goes cashing
it. I anticipate zero problems this time.

Take care, Dr. Robert K. Keller, M.D., PhD.

Joe doesn't know the Mars opposition date? DUMB ASS!!

Dear Sir,

I have seen your email. Thank you so much, I appreciate your caring hands. In other not to make further mistake or disappointment, I will want you to further expantiate on test and answer before morning, that is

Test question: What is the date of Mars' next opposition to Earth? What did u state as the answer to this, I need this information urgently as was written in your bank there.

Thank you for what you sent to Richmond. I thought you could have sent it on this Richmond name, however we will conquer the evil this time.

Please I need this information before tomorrow morning my time

Thank you very much Dad

Your son, Joe

I tell Joe about my favorite planet.

Joe,

I'm glad that you got the money order. I apologize about the answer to the test question. The answer is January 22, 2009. I though everybody knew that, but perhaps I'm more into astronomy than most people, especially the planet Uranus.

Let me know how it goes cashing the money order. And also, PLEASE let me know how your bowels and anus are doing. I've been chafing at the bit to get over there and insert large, throbbing instruments into your rectal cavity.

Happy holidays!

Dr. Robert K. Keller, M.D., PhD.

OH NO! Joe's Christmas may be "bleack."

Good day Sir,

I had to go through the same experience in Ghana today after much effort with Richmond , our hope dashed as there was no indication of money transferred to us through western union. The western union order you sent to me, there was no date, what is going on? You can confirm this trough the website www.westernunion.com,you click on order status. I contacted the Taiwan Account Boss, he informed me that the Taiwan account is okay, if the money is paid today in that account, it will be confirmed tomorrow since you live in America. The correspondence bank is also in America.

I don't have any reason to doubt you. Use this Taiwan Account now. Is this Christmas going to be bleack?

This is the account again

THE INTERNATIONAL COMMERCIAL BANK OF CHINA
CHUNG CHAN BRANCH
TAIPEI TAIWAN
AC/NO 01505028737
A/C NAME: YEH MEI CHAN
BY ORDER OF RICHMOND/OGUCHI INTERNATIONAL.

I will be here in the next 3hrs waiting for the slip of this payment.

Thanks as I hope to hear from you very soon.

Joe

Let's introduce a little geographical confusion.

Dear Joe,

What are you doing in Ghana??? I sent the money order to Nigeria. You need to keep me updated on your myriad travels, my son. I can't keep up with you! I don't understand about your not being able to cash the money order, even in Ghana. I just went to the Western Union website and the money is there. I placed it there, TWICE NOW, and if you can't cash it I suspect it's the fault of some mentally deranged retard at the offices of Western Union there. I also suspect that a great deal of this hassle can be directly related to a rectal blockage. How are you bowels doing today, Joe? You never mentioned them.

I went to the INTERNATIONAL COMMERCIAL BANK OF CHINA's website and it is UTTERLY indecipherable. I cannot find a place on that website in which to deposit funds. Joe, I am going to cancel the Western Union money order ONCE AGAIN, but I have no idea how to transfer funds to this bank. Do they accept Moneygrams in Ghana or Nigeria? Perhaps that company has more astute employees there.

Please let me know about Richmond's anal area and rectum. Perhaps you could observe these areas when he is asleep.

Please let me know how to transfer funds to this bank. I'm getting sort of tired of dealing with all this incompetence, Joe. It's very frustrating. Luckily I've met the beautiful Buffy, whose rectal cavity has been recently inhabited by a great number of patented and non-patented devices, some of my own invention.

Sincerely, Dr. Robert K. Keller, M.D., PhD.

Hmmmm .... everybody at Western Union is getting their money except Joe! Damn!

Dear Sir,

How are you today and good morning. Compliment of the season. I don't know where to start. I am in Nigeria, I repeat again I am not in Ghana.

I went to the bank in Nigeria with Richmond, they told us the money has not been sent and could not be tracked, they are not mentally deranged because I witnessed people collecting money, and it was only my own that had problem, so the fault is from your side, it is the same thing I experienced in Ghana.

I am not in Ghana, i repeat again. Up to this hour, I have not taken breakfast neither launch or there's any hope for dinner. If you will send the money to the Bank in Taiwan, it will be okay. You only instruct the paying bank, give them the account details, they will transfer it to the account, you don't have anything to do with their website, the bank can handle the transaction as bank to bank formailities.

I am not leaving the business centre until I hear from you.

My bowel movement is fine. I don't have problem, only that I can't feed very well for now. Please Dad, send somebody to the bank today, give the Taiwan account information, they will transfer it. Take the payment slip or advice to this account, send them to me. I regret all the pains I have caused you during this period of your help. Now, I am waiting, by this time tomorrow I would have cashed the money if it's confirmed into that account.

I hope to hear from you soon

God Bless, Joe

Wonder how many hours Joe spent at Western Union? BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! At least his bowel movement is fine. I'm SOOOOO relieved!

Dear Dr. Keller,

I sincerely wish to inform you that evil is still lurking on our side. I don't what is going on. Could you believe that I went to the bank here in Nigeria with your Boy and our christmas expectation was dashed, what a shame.

Anyway, brother How are you doing today? It is very shameful asking for money from your fellow man, but if not because of Joe, i would have declined not until when we're through with our business. It is only that Joe needed help which I believe that you're God sent to him, please try your best to send this money to the Account in Taiwan. We contacted the agent, the promised to pay us the money here in Nigeria which is no problem to us.

We will have much time to discuss about the anal/rectal cavity, there's much to talk about.

Thank you for the $500 you added for me. I don't know how express my sincere gratitude to your kindness. Please we're waiting for this payment slip today from your bank.

Best regads, Richmond

Poor Richmond! He's ASHAMED to ask for money!

Dear Joe,

You're NOT in GHANA???? Then why did you write this:

>Good day Sir,
>I had to go through the same experience in Ghana today after much effort with
>Richmond

That's why I thought you were in Ghana! Because that's what you said. I just spoke with the people at Western Union and they INSIST that the money is there. I explained to them what has transpired on your end and they are at a loss to explain, other than the people there are suffering from severe brain damage. Those were THEIR words, Joe, not mine! I think otherwise. I suspect that there is a parambulation of the anal region of the employees at Western Union in Ghana AND Nigeria. I must get there somehow and examine thousands, if not MILLIONS of rectums and anuses.

I will go to my bank with Buffy and transfer the funds. What type of paperwork is required by the bank in Nigeria? Should I scan the documents from my bank and email them to you?

Joe, how is the area immediately surrounding your rectum? Does it ever itch? Is it ever red and inflamed? If so, I might have to prescribe gross penetration by a multitude of RATHER LARGE and cumbersome devices that I'm certain are not available there. I could have them shipped with complete instructional video and you could have Richmond probe your anal/rectal cavity and send me the results. Please ask him if he would be willing to probe deeply into your anus.

Sincerely, Dr. Robert K. Keller, M.D., PhD.

I tell Richmond to NEVER be shy about asking for money!

Dear Richmond,

Please do not be uneasy about asking for money. When one is in need, then that's what it is. I am VERY happy to assist you due to all the GOOD WORKS you've done for our lovely boy, Joe. Indeed, rather than $500, I am including an extra $1,000 for you. I can't wait until you both arrive, safe and sound, in the United States and I can begin some protracted anal penetration in order to provide you with the rigid cardboard certificates which normally go for $100.

I have just emailed Joe and explained how the Western Union offices there must be staffed by subhuman IDIOTS. I told him that I would go to my bank and transfer the funds. I will do this within two hours. What paperwork will be required by the bank in Nigeria?

I agree that there is SERIOUS EVIL lurking about. Buffy, in the midst of our fourteenth rectal exam in as many hours, had vague feelings of unease and noticed hurried movements on the periphery of her vision. She said she saw an undefined, but rather large, shape with as she said "leathery wings." I don't know how susceptible to hyperbole Buffy is, as I've only known her for a week.

My dear Richmond, please comfort Joe. If his anal region is inflamed and swollen, I would suggest a poltice of garlic, ginger and muriatic acid (dilute!). Rub vigorously around the anus with a loofa and place ice packs in the region. If you could please discreetly view Joe's anus and report to me the color of the surrounding tissue, I would be eternally grateful. As Joe's Brazilian Doktor, I place his rectal/anal well-being as tantamount to that of my own children, if I had any.

By the way, I'm really falling in love with Buffy. Please wish me well in this endeavor and pray for me. Please let me know.

Sincerely, Dr. Robert K. Keller, M.D., PhD.

Sure hope Richmond can find muriatic acid in Nigeria.

Dear Sir,

I hope you are preparing for christmas celebration so to say. Are you going to travel out of your city. Have a wonderful celebration.

How is Buffy doing? I know love her. you speaks so well of her and I believe you have some soft spot for her. My regards to Buffy.

However, the struggle continues, I will appreciate if you can scan the transfer slip from your bank or payment advice to the Taiwan bank, send it to me like as you did in the western union. I will take this document for confirmation of that transfer later today. Please this is important, if I can receive this document 9am your time or even 10am, I will make sure that the bank here confirms it by phone today.

I am waiting for this slip.

Regards, Joe

Thanks for examining Joe's ASS for me, Richmond ... you idiot!

Dear Dr. Keller,

I appreciate whatever good things you had wish for Joe and me and also how you have expressed them financially or otherwise, God will surely reward you.

How are you spending your christmas. Try and spend your Christmas with Buffy. My regards to her.

Please try and scan the payment slip or advice from your bank, send it to either Joe or Me, we will take it to the bank with my friend to confirm it and the money will be given to us today before 3pm or 4m Nigerian time.

I will be going to the country side with Joe to visit my grand Mum because I have not seen her for sometimes.

I took a cursory examination on Joe's anus, it is tight and dark, no swollen or any inflamation. He has a regular bowel movement so to say.

I will further place further examination as soon as I can.

Do please we're expecting this slip today, tomorrow and next tomorrow are no banking activities.

Have a wonderful merry christmas.

Richmond

Time for a MAJOR switch-up!!!! ENTER BUFFY!

Dear Joe,

Joe, this is Buffy and I'm sure that Robbie (Dr. Keller) told you about me. Robbie got arrested and the police took him to jail the day before Christmas! Joe, Robbie said to email you and have you write a note to the deputy about how he has been treating your rectal illness and that he needs to come to Nigeria to treat you for it. Can you do this and email it back to me right away so I can take it to the deputy? If you can do this we can get Robbie out of jail since he already missed Christmas. Please help me get him out, Joe!!!! The deputy name is Deputy Dawg and you could address the letter to him but send it to me using Robbie's email cuz I don't, like, have a computer.

Buffy Khunnts

Buffy better tell Richmond of Dr. Keller's persecution as well.

Dear Mr. Ozobia,

Hello, this is Buffy and I am writing you for my boyfriend, Robbie, Dr. Keller. He asked me to write to Joe, but Joe didn’t ever write back. Robbie is in jail and is worried about Joe. Have you heard from him? We need his help to get Robbie out of jail. Oh, please please please write me back so I can tell Robbie Joe is OK.

Buffy

OH NO! Joe's 'loosing' confidence! At least Ozobia writes Buffy.

Dear Buffy,

I have seen your email, Joe is fine. I told Robert that myself and Joe was travelling to visit my Grand Mother in my country home. I had to come to the city to make this reply to you.

Why was Robert sent to Jail? what does he want Joe to do? as you know I am not assesible to Joe's email box. I will inform him as soon as I get back. We are financially incapable for now. I don't know if he made the transfer for Joe? because he is loosing confidence in the man that calls him son.

Buffy do extend my regards to Robert and my prayers are with him. I hope to hearing from you.

RICHMOND.

Buffy explains what MUST BE DONE!

Dear Richmond,

Oh THANK YOU for writing back! I was, like, FREAKING OUT about this. Robbie was arrested and is being charged with a bunch of stuff that I don’t even understand. Stuff like Private Minor Fondle or something like that. This is all a bunch of darn lies and Robbie would never ever do something like that. I know that he is the best anal doctor in the whole wide world. They froze his bank account and everything. He said that if Joe would write the deputy about his condition that Robbie is treating that maybe the judge would, like, let him out of jail to go to Africa to, like, operate on Joe. So PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE tell Joe to write an email telling the deputy and the judge that he needs a SERIOUS rectal cavity surgery or something like that and that if Robbie doesn’t fly to Africa that Joe will, like, DIE! Robbie says that I can print out the letter and take it to the deputy and the judge and that they’ll have to let him out to do Joe’s surgery. Oh, Richmond I’m crying and shaking and, like, FREAKING OUT MAJORLY about this. I hope I’m doing what Robbie meant. I’m all like about to totally fall out!!! I think that if Joe writes a letter like this then Robbie can get out of jail.

Buffy

Joe writes to Deputy Dawg on Dr. Keller's behalf.

ATTN: DEPUTY DAWG,

Sir,

With much respect I write to inform you that Dr Robert is my Doctor who has taken tremendous care on my annual/rectum blockage. He has performed wonderfully well and I happened to understand that he is detained in your custody or in your Jail. Please kindly grant him bail or Freedom to enable him come and treat me urgently in Nigeria before it is too Late. I will not want to loose my life because of this circumstance so to say.

I will gladly appreciate your approval to this request and I am looking forward to meeting Dr Robert soon.

YOURS TRUELY, JOSEPH.

Looks like Joe's letter did the trick!

Joe,

God bless you, my son. Your email has convinced Deputy Dawg to release me from jail and I am again at home, consoling myself with some practice rectal cavity explorations that Buffy has been so kind as to submit to. I wish I could be closely examining your own anus as well, Joe. As your proctologist, this is my fondest desire.

I have decided to run for it, Joe! I am leaving the United States and am moving to the Netherlands, where there is much more liberty than here in this country that seems to HATE Brazilians with a penchant for the rectal regions of fair-haired youngsters. I have transferred all my money into two banks in Amsterdam and Buffy will fly there in a week to secure lodging for the both of us. At that point, I would like to visit you and Richmond and bring you the money in person so that we can finally have some quality rectum/anus/sphincter time together, alone.

My son, before the authorities will allow me to leave the county, they are insisting that the very kind email you sent to Deputy Dawg be substantiated with some proof that I was planning to come treat your bowels to special treats beyond imagining. I have come up with a plan that I am certain will free me from the evil clutches of these inquisitors. Joe, if you could obtain a receipt from a local hotel and register my name, along with that of Buffy, on it, and then scan and email it to me, I could present it to the deputy and I believe that would do it. Please, you don't really have to register me into a hotel, just get a slip of paper with the hotel's registration on it and fill in my name, address, dates of lodging, et cetera.

I am so very happy that our difficulties are finally approaching their conclusion and I shall be free to give you and Richmond the money that you've been so very patiently awaiting. The fact that I've been unable to send you the funds due to the stupid police makes me so angry I could throttle the Pope!

Joe, I showed Buffy your picture and she said you are SO HANDSOME (I agree!) and that she would like to entertain you often when you arrive in the United States. I suspect the entertainment will be of a novel fashion and will involve the three of us, and many of the larger invasive instruments I use in my examinations. Please send the hotel receipt as soon as you can so I can leave this country forever and we can finally be together.

Please don't tell Richmond, but I have bought him a Gateway Laptop computer and a Felchwell watch. Although I would have liked to have gotten him many more things for Christmas, these items will have to do for now until all our troubles vanish. Joe, I am not going to tell you what I got you for Christmas for I want it to be a BIG SURPRISE!

Love, Dr. Robert "Dad" K. Keller, M.D., PhD.