Pastor Chris Scam

GOODDAY PASTOR,

I GREAT YOU IN THE NAME OF GOD I KNOW THIS MAIL MIGHT COME TO YOU AS A SUPRISE BUT TAKE IT SIRIURSE AND TREAT WITH LOVE AS CHRIST LOVE THE CHURCH.

I AM PASTOR CHRIS OYAKHILOMEN OF BELIVERS LOVE WORD ALSO KNOWN AS CHRIST EMBASSY, I'M REQUESTING FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE IN AN ONGONG PROJECT IN CHRIST EMBASSY NIGERIA, WE ARE CURRENTLY BUILDING AN ORPHANAGE HOME FOR THE LESS PREVILEG IN AFRICA WHICH HEAD QUETERS WILL BE IN NIGERIA.

I WANT TO RAIS FUNDS FROM ALL PASTORS AND CLEGY THAT GOD MIGHT INSTRUCT TO HELP EATHER IN CASH OR KIND . I'M A PASTOR AND SAVANT OF GOD BUT I CAN'T DO IT ALL ALLON , BECAUSE A TREE CAN NOT MAKE A FOREST, AND AS THE HOLY BIBLE SAYS IN 1ST CORITHIANS CHAPTER 13:I-6 THOUGH I SPESK WITH THE TINGUES OF MEN AND OF ANGELS AND HAVE NOT CHARITY, I AM BECOME AS SOUNDING BRASS OR A TINKING CYMBAL,v-2 AND THOUGH I HAVE THE GIFT OF PROPHECY AND UNDERSTAND ALL MYSTIES AND ALL KNOWLEDGE; AND THOUGH I HAVE ALL FAITH SO THAT I COULD REMOVE MOUNTAIN AND HAVE NOT CHARITY, I'M NOTHING.v-3 AND THOUGH I BESTOW ALL MY GOODS TO FEED THE POOR AND THOUGH I GIVE MY BODY TO BE BURNED AND HAVE NOT CHARITY IT PROFITETH ME NOTHING.v-4 CHARITY SUFFERETH LONG AND IS KIND; CHARITY VOUTETH NOT ITSELF, IS NOT PUFFED UP.

GOD WILL BLESS YOU FOR ANY FUND RAIS FOR THIS GODLY PROJECT THAT WILL GO A LONG WAY IN HELPING US TO GROW ORPHANS IN THE NAME AND TO THE GLORY OF GOD, YOUR QUIK RESPONSE TO THIS MAIL WILL HELP US IN JESUS NAME. AMEN

Here's the photo that was attached. What the fuck did he do, scan a Christmas card???

Naturally, my church will do all in its power to assist.

My Dear Pastor Chris,

I don't know how your email got to me but I praise God Almighty that it has. I was praying just this morning about the plight of the orphans in Africa and wondering what to do about it. I knew that God would guide my privates in this matter and then you write to me about this very thing, and of course there are no coincidences in God's plan. Praise Jesus! Hallelujia!! My small church has done much fund-raising in the past for needy children and I want to know more about your ministry.

We have just finished our annual ammo sale and toddler dump and so your letter certainly comes at the right time. Please let me know how I can be of assistance, my brother in Christ. Our church generally administers the tithes to charitable organizations in amounts of $15,000 to $50,000, depending upon the charity's need. What amount were you thinking that your ministry needs? Are you planning on building an entire orphanage or is there an orphanage already there that needs monetary assistance? Please don't hesitate to let me know. We also provide missionaries that can travel to Nigeria. We have already helped build orphanages in several third world countries, including Paraguay, Myanmar, Mongolia and Nebraska. I look forward to beginning a dialog with you on this and other matters.

In Christ's Holey Name,

Rev. Robert K. Keller
First Church of Cthulhu Mythos
Benton, Arkansas

Pretty sophisticated. He's got an auto-mailer.

I,m Pastor cris oyakhilome of christ embassy, thanks for the mail and God bless you . I will reply you istantly

I'm so happy he will reply to me "istantly."

Pastor Chris,

I am at home now so please use my personal email.

Sincerely, Rev. Robert K. Keller

I agree with Pastor Chris that it will probably take about "$2050,000" to make the orphans "fill at home" and teach them how to preach the gospel.

My Dear Rev. Robert K. Keller

I prais God almighty for your undastanding just as i will thank you so much for your mail , i am so happy that yopu undastand how the orphans need our help and care , And the most inportant thing is that we are going to rais them to the grory of God , I mean to be pastors and preacher of the gospel .

Thanks for the mail but we are planning on building an entire orphanage and the cost is so much that my ministary cany do it alone , thats why we need your help . It will cost us $2050,000, to make the orphans fill at home and teach them how to preach the gospel as they are growing .

Pls this is the will of God almighty, and we need to take it serious and give our best for him , my ministary has spent moor than $200,000, in this same project and now we need ur help , just as the orphans need your help.

Any amount of money you can give will be appreciated , as you know nothing is too small for an orphan.

Thanks for your undastanding and God bless you , as you give, Pls. tell me how much you can give for this Godly project.

Pastor chris

I can be very "undastanding," dawg.

Dear Pastor Chris,

Praise God. I was happy to receive your email this morning. Yes, I realize that teaching orphans about the gospel takes large amounts of funding. I have spoken with the board of directors and they have agreed to assist you in funding your blessed orphanage. Our only requirement is a small one. In order to protect ourselves against fraudulent claimants, they require a personalized photograph of yourself. You must display an identifying characteristic that will be provided to you by the board. Please let me know if you are ready to take this picture and send it to us as an email attachment. If you are ready to perform this small requirement, I will let you know what the picture needs to consist of. As soon as the requirement is met we can release the funds to your account.

Bless you in Jesus name, Pastor.

Sincerely, Rev. Robert K. Keller

Chris is all ears.

GOD BLESS YOU FOR THE MAIL .

PLS. I WANT TO KNOW THE REQUIREMENT FOR THE PICTUR SO I CAN SEND IT TO YOU

GOD BLESS YOU IN JESUS NAME , AMEN.

PASTOR CHRIS

L'see if we can't get Chris to pose for us.

My Dear Pastor Chris,

The board of directors would like a picture of you in order to ascertain that you are in fact the person with whom we are dealing. We have had attempts to obtain money by false means in the past and therefore we ask that you provide a picture that would be difficult, if not impossible, to forge. As soon as we receive the picture, the board will be able to release the funds and send a check or wire transfer to your account. Pastor Chris, we have a proud tradition of football here at the Church of the Cthulhu Mythos. Our football team is called the Felching Wombats. So, we would be pleased if you would print on a large piece of paper our team's motto:

FELCHING WOMBATS SINCE 1966

Please write this motto in LARGE letters on a WHITE piece of paper. Then hold the piece of paper and have your picture taken. Attach the picture to an email and that will satisfy the requirement. Pastor Chris, since we will be using this picture in our upcoming football season promo material, please make sure that the motto is written clearly and that the photo is scanned LARGE enough that we will be able to print it at a decent size.

Thank you and God bless. We look forward to receiving the photo.

Sincerely, Rev. Robert K. Keller

Stay tuned!

God Bless You, Robert K. Keller

I,ve been praying for this moment and i thank God , i will send the pictur to you in less than 24 hours .

I will send as attachment to you , infact will go for the photo now. and you will get it soon . pls. pastor Robert I want to know how much your ministary want to send? I,ve prayed over it and i hope you will send the fund as soon as you get the pictur.

Thanks and God bless you

Pastor Chris

Will he send the picture? Time will tell.

My Dear Pastor Chris,

Bless you, my friend, in Jesus holey name. The board of directors anticipates with glee receiving the picture of you holding our football team's motto. We deliberated last night and have come to the conclusion that your cause should become our flagship this year and we have set aside $185,000 as the initial donation. Will this be sufficient? Of course it is near the year's end and we would like to have this donation sent to you before December 31 in order that we may close our books for the year. Also, for tax purposes would it be possible to get from you a notarized receipt for this donation on your ministry's official letterhead? Naturally, we would be able to send additional payments after the beginning of the year. Also, the board of directors has made a request, Chris. They were wondering if it would be possible to name the orphanage "The Felching Wombats Home For Disenfranchised Youth." Our little football team would be very proud if you could arrange this. Also, do we have your permission to use your photograph in our newsletter?

Praise God my dear friend Pastor Chris.

Sincerely, Rev. Robert K. Keller

Hmmmm .... Felching Wombats. I like it, I like it!

Goodday to you Rev. Robert K. Keller in the name of our lord jesus,

I,m so happy that your ministary want to send this fund for the Godly orphanage projet , I just got your mail and you know I,m a very busy man of God , I just finish healing a man who had canser . I dont have much time and thats why i cant send that pictur in less than a week .But the Good news to your ministary is that we are going to use your name (The Felching Wombats Home For Disenfranchised Youth) but I most tell you it is the will of God because we prayed over it.

I also prayed about giving my picturs for your newsletter and the Good lord even told me to give moor , so you have my permission to use my photo. for your newsletter.

Rev. Robert my miniatary will start the same froject in South Africa nest year but we need this fund fast becuse we were thinking of finishing up the home soon but there is no much money now . we even need $4,0500 to pay some of our workers on site befor 2morow , can you send some money today ? i will give you details if you want to send it .

I am praying for your ministary and in low time nest year I know you can come over to Nigeria for visit and to see The Felching wombats Home For Disenfranchised Youth in Nigeria , well I,m hopeing you will send some fund now and send the rest nest week , God almighty will bless you as you give this fund to save his Disenfranchised Youth .

Thanks and God Bless you and your ministary

Pastor Chris

Pls. you can send the $4,0,500 in any werstern union outlet clos to you .To my tresurer >Edokpa O Kellvin and dont forget to send the secret number and all the information so that he can cash if first thing 2morow and pay the workers on site .

Thanks and God Bless you as i pray for your ministary too .

Check it out! Chris did a collage! Hey Chris, is that $4,0500 or $4,0,500 you need? Choose one or the other, but not both.

Dear Pastor Chris,

God bless you, my friend. Thank you for the pictures and the email. As I have stated previously it is the policy of our board of directors to release funds only after the security procedure outlined in my previous communications has been fulfilled. We will immediately send the funds allocated to your account as soon as we receive the picture of you holding a sign on which is printed our football team's motto:

FELCHING WOMBATS SINCE 1966

We are looking forward to working with you in the future and providing for orphans all over the world. I took the liberty of informing the football team that you would name the orphanage after them and you should have seen the little tykes smiling and laughing. Pastor Chris, you have made these young boys very, very happy. God bless you in Jesus name. Amen.

We anticipate receiving the aforementioned picture.

Yours in the Lord God Almighty and HIS clean hands,

Rev. Robert K. Keller

Chris is sending me the picture because he understands that I must protect myself from being scammed. Wotta humanitarian!

God Bless You Rev Robert K. Keller

I have been very happy when i got your mail today and when you said i most send the pictur , I,m sorry for not sending it ever since , it is because I,m allways busy praying and healing people almost 24hours of the day . well i will send the pictur as attachment to you 2morow .

Rev Robert I,ll send the picturs to you as soos as porsible. because you have to prevent your self from scam and may the God lord Bless you and your ministary in jesus name

Thanks and God bless you.

Pastor Chris

At least he understands about preventing myself from scam.

Dear Pastor Chris,

May the Good Lord bless you with an abundance of true peace and hominy. The board of directors is eagerly anticipating your security picture. We are ready to wire the funds for the orphanage.

Blessed be in the Fields of Moab and the spririt of Isaac and Joseph and Moab. Bless you, Pastor.

Sincerely, Rev. Robert K. Keller

Alright! I can't wait to be raised aburdantly.

GOODDAY REV. ROBERT

I GOT YOUR MAIL AND MAY THE GOOD LORD BLESS YOU IN JESUS NAME , NOW I AM IN A MEETING RIGHT NOW AND IT WILL LAST TILL TOMOROW AFTER WHICH I WILL SEND THE PICTUR TO YOU AS ATTACHMENT . I AM SORRY FOR NOT SENDING IT EVER SINCE , YOU KNOW THE NATURE OF MY MINISTARY AND HOW BUSY I AM.

THANKS FOR THE FUNDS AND GOD ALMIGHTY WILL RAISE YOU ABURDANTLY IF HIS KINDNESS .

GOD BLESS YOU

PASTOR CHRIS

An all night meeting, Chris? Looks like I need to impose a deadline on this prick.

Happy Day Pastor Chris,

I wish you a God-filled spiritual bonanza this wonder day. I have just returned from a meeting with the board of directors and they informed me that I should stress to you the need for haste in our transaction. The board closes out their fiscal year on Friday, December 19. If you have failed to provide the security picture by that date then we will have to give the money to an alternate charity. We have been looking into donating a substantial sum to the Inducing Young Ladies Horizontal Foundation. In that case we would be unable to donate to your cause until the beginning of fiscal year 2004, which begins in mid-July. Although it would pain me to see the Felching Wombats Home For Disenfranchised Youth wait until July for the funds, there is nothing I personally can do to change board policy.

With Love and the Spirit of the Lamb,

Rev. Robert K. Keller

Yes, Chris, I'm certain that God would bless the Felching Wombats.

GOODDAY IN THE NAME OF OUR LORD JESUS

I GOT YOU MAIL BUT I AM IN ABUJA RIGHT NOW AND AS SOON AS I GET TO LAGOS TOMOROW I WILL SEND THE PICTUR TO YOU , I HAVE THE PICTUR IN MY CUMPUTER

I AM SORRY AND I WILL PROVIDE THE SECURITY PICTUR IN 24HOURS , PLS. TELL THE BORED MEMBERS THAT THE PICTUR WILL GET TO THEM SOON AND THAT FELCHING WOMBATS HOME FOR DISENFRANCHISED YOUTH WILL NOT WAIT BUT GROW TO THE GLORY OF GOD ALMGHTY AND CHRIST JESUS , IN JESUS NAME AMEN.

THANKS AND GOD BLESS YOU

PASTOR CHRIS

So send the damn thing, already!

GOODDAY IN JESUS NAME AND GOD BLESS YOU.

I FINALLY HAVE THE PICTURE YOU REQUESTED FOR AND I WANT YOU TO TELL THE BOARD THAT I WAIT IN THE HOPE OF GOD ALMIGHTY TO SEE YOU SEND THE FUNDS FOR THE FELCHING WOMBATS HOME FOR DISENFRANCHISED YOUTH .

THANKS FOR YOUR UNDASTANDING AND GOD BLESS YOU . TAKE TIME TO READ THIS VERSE AND GOD WILL BLESS YOU IN JESUS NAME.(NUMBERS 23;19-20) AND (LUKE 6;38 ).

I WANT TO SAY A BIG THANK YOU IN ADVANCE AND GOD BLESS YOU FOR THE SUPPORT , BUT YOU KNOW WE STILL NEED YOUR PRAYER FOR THAT IS THE ONLY WAY GOD CAN HELP US THROUGH .

THANKS

PASTOR CHRIS

Still no picture.

Dear Pastor Chris,

Thank you for the inspirational verses you so thoughtfully emailed. I read them and they gave me the strength to pray that you get everything you so rightfully deserve, my brother in Christ. The board of directors awaits your picture and is ready to release the funds for The Felching Wombats Home For Disenfranshised Youth. This youth home will be our crowning glory, Pastor Chris.

Awaiting your picture with baited breath.

Yours in Christ our Lord and Son of God,

Rev. Robert K. Keller

'Bout time, Chris.

GOODDAY

THIS IS MY PICTURE , I HAVE DEEN TRYING TO SCAN AND SEND IT BUT MY COMPUTER HAVE SOME PROBLEM AND IF ITS NOT CLARE YOU WILL KNOW THE PROBLEM IS FROM MY PC .

THANKS FOR EVERYTHING AND GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR MINISTARY.

PASTOR CHRIS

WHAT THE HELL??!!?? Did Pastor Chris commission someone to do a charcoal drawing of him?

And I didn't even tell him to include "I Love." Pastor Chris gets a B+ in initiative. Bravo. But he gets and F in photography!

Dear Pastor Chris,

I showed the picture to our Board of Directors and each one said the same thing. They said, "That's not a picture. That's a painting." I'm afraid it doesn't look like a photograph at all. Please send one that actually looks like a photograph, Pastor Chris. I would seriously like to send you these funds before Christmas and we only have until Friday to do it.

Sincerely, Rev. Robert K. Keller

He says he's NOT a 419! Perhaps I'm all wrong about my friend. He's also opposed to grouping him with FRORD STARS. Can't say I blame him!

THANKS FOR THE MAIL AND GOD BLESS YOU .

I WILL SEND ANOTHER PICTURE BUT I STILL DONT KNOW WHY YOUR MINISTARY KEEP GROUPING ME WITH FRORD STARS, I AM A MAN OF GOD AND WILL NOT HAVE ALL TIME TO TAKE PICTURES . WELL IF YOU STILL DOUBT ME I AM GOING TO SEND EVEN THE PROJECT SITE WHICH IS STILL GOING ON .

I PRAY TO GOD TODAY TO MAKE YOU KNOW I AM A PASTOR AND NOT A 419, THE HOLY BOOK SAID GOD IS NOT A MAN THAT HE SHOULD LIE .

THANKS AND GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR MINISTARY, AMEN

PASTOR CHRIS

Not forty-nine, but FIFTY!

Dear Pastor Chris,

Bless you my brother in Christ. I have received your email and I want you to know that if it were up to me I would immediately send you the funds. Between you and me, I think that the Board of Directors are a bunch of old farts (excuse my course language, Lord) and they have their heads up their collective arses. But they are the ones who control the funds. I don't understand why they wouldn't approve it from your picture. Although it DID looks a bit like a charcoal drawing.

Yes, please send any information on your project that you can. But the picture is IMPERATIVE!

What is a 419? I don't understand this reference.

Bless you my brother in Christ. Get us the picture so we can set these idiots on the Board of Directors behind us and move on with God's blessed works.

In the Word Fifty Times A Day, Rev. Robert K. Keller

Hmmmm. The picture's bit-mapped but the words aren't. Chris gets an F in Photoshop.

GOODDAY REV.KELLER

I GOT YOUR MAIL AND AM SO HAPPY WITH YOU FOR NOT DOUBTING THE MAN OF GOD. WELLL I HAVE MY PICTURES NOW.

THANKS AND MAY THE ALMIGHTY GOD BE WITH YOU IN JESUS NAME, AMEN

PASTOR CHRIS

GOODDAY REV.KELLER

I HOPE THERE IS NO PROBLEM BECAUSE I HAVE NOT SEEN YOUR MAIL . WILL THE BORAD STILL SEND THE FUND ? I HAVE BEEN PRAYING FOR YOU AND YOUR MINISTARY , WE REALLY NEED THIS FUND AS SOON AS PORSIBLE .

MAY THE ALMIGHTY GOD BLESS YOU IN JESUS NAME, AMEN

PASTOR CHRIS

I pretend that it's ME that hasn't heard from HIM.

Pastor Chris,

Please, my brother, are you still there? I have not heard anything from you in several days and have begun to worry! Please get back to me immediately!

Sincerely, Rev. Keller

He sure does want that fund.

GOODDAY REV.KELLER

I AM VERY SORRY FOR NOT MAILLING YOU SINCE, I HAD SOME MEETING AND PROGRAMS FOR THE CHRISMAS THAT HAS KEEPT ME VERY BUSY. REV. KELLER I WANT TO KNOW WHEN YOU WILL SEND THE FUND , BECAUSE I WILL SEND TREASURER'S ACCOUNT NUMBER TO YOU .

PLS I NEED THIS FUND NOW AND I WILL BE HAPPY IF YOU MAIL ME SOON, MAY GOD BLESS YOU IN JESUS NAME , AMEN

THANKS AND GOD BLESS YOU .

PASTOR CHRIS

Don't seem to recall SENDING him an email. Guess he just wanted to break the ice about where to send the fund.

THANKS FOR THE MAIL AND GOD BLESS YOU IN JESUS NAME, I WANT THE THE FUNDS TO GO INTO THE TREASURER ACCOUNT , HE IS THE TREASURER OF (FWHFDY) AND HE IS GOING TO RECIEVE THE FUND ON BEHALF OF FWHFDY.

THIS IS THE BANK ACCOUNT IFORMATION YOU WILL PAY THE FUND TO , IN FAVOUR OF EDOKPA ONOMEASIKELE TED
OFFSHORE ACCOUNT DETAILS,
BANK DETAILS----CITI BANK
FOR DOLLARS---- CITIBANK NEW YORK 111 WALL STREET, NEW YORK, NY 10043, USA. SWIFT CODE--- CITI US 33. FOR ACCOUNT OF FCMB LTD. DOMICILLIARY ACCOUNT NO: 36201349
NAME: EDOKPA ONOMEASIKELE TED

ACCOUNT NO:1100-120337-480

HAPPY CHRISMAS AND THANKS

PASTOR CHRIS

ALL CAPS ON; all caps off; ALL CAPS ON; all caps off ...

Good Day rev.Keller

I great you in the name of God , I have not seen your mail and I hope evrything is fine ? I thank God for the christmas program we had here in Nigeria.

Pls. want to know when the funds will be snt to me because we are still working on (FWHFDY) project .

Rev. Keller , can you tell me when the fund will be sent? I thank you so much and i know you sent by God to make this project work . may God bless you in Jesus name.

Pastor Chris

I'm afraid I have some GHASTLY news.

Pastor Chris,

Good day to you in Jesus’ holey name and that of the Holey Spit as well. I apologize for being unable to respond to your emails until now. I have been in the hospital, my friend. I can hardly even write these words to you. Our church bus was traveling to an orphanage to deliver Christmas toys to all the little tykes and Bubba, our bus driver, had been drinking! None of had any idea that Bubba was drinking alcohol. He’d promised us that those days were behind him. He was quite a human wreck when he joined our congregation. To make a long, ghastly story short, my brother Pastor Chris: Bubba fell asleep at the wheel, lost control of the bus and crossed the center line. We had a head on collision with an 18-wheeler that was hauling sheep.

My dear brother in Christ, other than a couple of sheep, I was the only survivor! In addition to Bubba, we lost Sister Anita Racke, Sister Myah Nomaly, my dear brother Pastor Tad Pole, and four little children who had planned on singing carols to the unfortunate orphans.

I have suffered two broken legs, a broken arm, my jaw is wired shut and they don’t know whether or not I’ll ever be able to play the accordian again. But, Chris, I know that God in HIS wisdom has saved me for a reason. And I know in my HEART that the reason is so that you and I can found the FELCHING WOMBATS HOME FOR DISENFRANCHISED YOUTH!!!!

This is the project that I must devote all my efforts toward now, my brother. Please let me know what our next step should be. I am still a bit groggy from all the morphine.

Yours in the Blood of the Lamb of Christ,

Pastor Robert K. Keller, D.D.

I seem to have a new deadline ... read on.

Good day Rev.Keller

How are you now ? my good lord told me to fast and pray for you, which I did , He also told me that you will not Die but live to declair the glory of God.I' ve prayed for you and I know you,ll get well soon .God the father shall protect you in jesus name, amen.

In this new year you will grow in the work of God. Well I will pray for you and your ministry so that there will be no more broplem .

We need some money for trhe project of (FELCHING WOMBATS HOME FOR DISENFRANCHISED YOUTH ) and this is urgent , tell me when you can send the fund and if you can send it whit the account information i gave you.

I will be very happy if the fund is sent befor 10-1-04 as this will help in the project , may God bless you in jesus name , amen.

Pastor Chris

Yup, this new deadline certainly takes a load off Rev. Keller.

Pastor Chris,

Good day and greetings in the New Year of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus H. Christ and his many Lambs of Moab. My brother, I will certainly facilitate the modalities concerning the transfer of funds, but I do not feel as pressured as before due to your new deadline. Thank you, my brother, for providing this respite. As you would like to see the funds sent before 10-1-04, this of course will be absolutely no problem. I was under the impression that it was imperative that you receive the funds this very month. But now that you have told me that we can wait until October, all the pressure is off. Indeed, we can invest the portion of what I was going to send you and it will accrue even more interest. You can rest assured that I will have a payment to you October 1, 2004, just as you stated. Bless you my brother in Christ! I cannot wait until we open the FWHFDY.

Sincerely, Rev. Robert K. Keller

You did TOO say October 1st!

Good day Rev. Keller

may the lord hill you,Bless you richly troughout the new year and the years ahead in jesus name, amen. i thank you very much for your undastanding and I want you to knowhow urgent (FWHFDY) need the fund to complet the building project, I did not say october but 10-1-04 .

Imean if you can send the fund befor 10th of january 2004 because I promise God that we will complet (FWHFDY) befor february, My church started this year by praying for sursses in (FWHFDY) project, Rev. Keller pls. send the fund now so that we can pay workers and contractors on site.

thanks and God bless youn in jesus name, amen

Pastor Chris

Guess it must be some kinda cultural thing. Wonder what the Board's gonna say?

Dear Pastor Chris,

Please excuse my mistake. In American when one says 10-1-04, he means October 1st. We always put the month first and then the day. Do you do it differently in Africa? I had no idea. My brother, I am still in the hospital in Amsterdam. Please pray for me since I am having surgery in the morning. Apparently the bus plunge took its toll on my spleen and they are doing an experimental transplant from a recently expired trout. I believe this may be the first man/trout transplant in Northern Europe, although I’ve heard they’ve done many such in Trinidad and Greenland. I am still suffering much pain and the morphine is barely sufficient to get me righteously zoned. Again, please pray for me.

I will consult the Board by email after I awaken from my surgery and compel them to send you payment forthwith so that the laborers may be paid. How many are laboring on the orphanage, my dear brother? Can you tell me a little about these brave, hard-working non-entities? Are they wraith-like in the least? I fear I am rambling, my dear brother. It is due to the drugs and sedatives I’m constantly hit up with. I hope I am making sense to you.

In our Lord’s Holey Spit.

Rev. Robert K. Keller

He's still tryin'!

Good day Rev. Keller

God almighty has told me that you will get well soon , I have been praying for you and you will be healed in jesus name, amen.

10-1-04 in Africa means january ten 2004 , please I want you to help me tell the borad mebers how urgent I need the fund, we are still building (FWHFDY) and its about the bigest in Africa.

i want to know if you have the account information I sent and when you can send the fund.

thanks and God bless you in jesus name, amen.

Pastor Chris

Desperation is beginning to descend.

Good day Rev. Keller

Me and my church has been for you and you will get well in Jesus name, Amen. how are you doing now? dont forget to pray for that is the key to any door, Please I will send the account number again so that you can send the fund when you are well in Jesus name , Please dont forget this is urgent and will go a long way in helping thousands of youth.

Rev. keller I want to know if you are geting better because i,ve been fsting and praying for you to get well in Jesus name, and I know you well in Jesus name , Amen.

THIS IS THE BANK ACCOUNT IFORMATION YOU WILL PAY THE FUND TO , IN FAVOUR OF EDOKPA ONOMEASIKELE TED
OFFSHORE ACCOUNT DETAILS,
BANK DETAILS----CITI BANK
FOR DOLLARS---- CITIBANK NEW YORK 111 WALL STREET, NEW YORK, NY 10043, USA. SWIFT CODE--- CITI US 33. FOR ACCOUNT OF FCMB LTD. DOMICILLIARY ACCOUNT NO: 36201349
NAME: EDOKPA ONOMEASIKELE TED

ACCOUNT NO:1100-120337-480

Thanks and God bless you

Pastor Chris

Uh oh ... looks like complications might be arising.

My Dear Pastor Chris,

I am at the rectumry at our church at the moment, praying with some strapping young lads. When I emerge, I shall stroll across the lane and visit Rev. Charles Manson, who is our Church’s exchequer. He has two checks made out to Edokpa Onomeasikele, one in the amount of $100,000 and the other in the amount of $83,500. He explained the need to make two payments as required by the Internal Revenue Service, the F.B.I., and the C.I.A. Due to anti-terrorist actions in international finance.

I must ask you Pastor Chris, who is this Edokpa Onomeasikele? The reason I ask is because, as I was perusing my emails on my laptop, I received an Instant Message from Rev. Manson. Charlie asked about this person and since he is the one to whom I must state the modalities in order to receive the checks, I need to know the answer to this. Rev. Manson has also requested a brief “mission statement” regarding the FWHFDY. If you could write a brief description of the services this home will provide, Charlie will then read it, enter it into the Church’s records and give me the checks to transfer. He just Instant Messaged me again and said he wanted to look at the plans for the FWHFDY, which I happen to have in my briefcase.

I will await your “mission statement” before I enter Charlie’s office.

Sincerely, Rev. Robert K. Keller

Chris is desperate to get the Felching Wombats home DONE!

Gooday Rev. Keller

I great you in jesus name, well I hope everything is going well? I have not seen your mail and that why I,m mailing you now. Did you get the check? I,m still praying for (FWHFDY) and I want you to do the same. Because this home will need our prayers too .

Rev. Keller Pls. I want the fund to be sent as fast porsible because we have to comlect the Godly project of (FWHFDY) and start helpng the youth.

May the almghity God bless you in Jesus nam, Amen.

Pastor Chris

But there are further complications.

Dear Pastor Chris,

Yes, I have the checks processed and ready to send to you via wire. But I cannot do this until Charlie Manson has approved the transfer and he has asked me to explain why you haven’t mentioned the history of Edokpa Onomeasikele? He also said that the brief “mission statement” regarding the FWHFDY, which would provide him with a brief description of the services this home will provide, is imperative to the release of the funds. Please send me an email quickly explaining all.

Sincerely, Rev. Robert K. Keller

Nice essay, dude! Lotta good it's gonna do ya.

Gooday Rev. Keller

Goodday and God bless you in Jesus name, Amen. Edokpa Onomeasikele is the tresurrer for (FWHFDY) building committee , he is a menber of my church for overten years now and he is trust worthy because he was once the church tresurer for seven years .

Rev. Keller I allso want you to know that the orpans will be well taking care of and the will grow in the way of God I mean the christian fath , they will be pastor and prophet of God. (FWHFDY) is aimed at helping the yourth without future and make them fill at home, then give them a good accedemic opportunity and God's awereness and make a diffrience in the life of the youth, this will go around the contry and the world at larg. there will be a school of theology in (FWHFDY) and a chapel in the premisses. there will allso be a recriation center for the youth in the same premisses .(FWHFDY) will start with about 5,000 ophans after the project is complected in Jesus name, well I allso want you to know that the youth have access to the internet almost 24 hours.

I have long waited for this fund and its really going to help in a long way,I have prayed and hope you will send the fund befor now but it is taking moor time, Pls. I have don so much for this same fund for the past one month and I hope you will finally send it now. Thanks for the fund,and your undastanding above all . may the almighty God bless you in jesus name, Amen. I allso want you to pray for the (FWHFDY) project that God will strenghting me to build the home to his glory in Jesus name,Amen.

Thanks and God bless you.

Pastor Chris

My hands are tied by Manson.

MAN! He writes quite a business proposal. WOTTA MORON!

Goodday Rev. nKeller

how is your heath now? well I have a brief description of the services (FWHFDY) will provide, and i want you to act fast and take it to Mr Charlie Manson , Rev. Keller i wiil need your prayers for this same project and please tell me when the fund will be sent, thanks and God bless you.
Pastor Chris

BRIEF DESCRIPTION ON (FWHFDY) PROJECTS

It is hardly possible to help everywhere. Therefore, Organization(FWHFDY) has defined a few projects for specific help. The transports are primary aimed for those projects. All the projects are, as stated in the following five projects.

Orphanage home Chaslovtsi: Institution for mental retarded children at Chaslovtsi
In this institution, children in the age 0 to 18 years are receipted. All 1,000 children are mentally retarded. The difficult situation in the region causes the urgent required aid for those houses. Clothes, linen and other goods are hardly available.

Organization (FWHFDY) will supports by delivering medical goods, clothing , linen, toys and much more. (FWHFDY) would like to improve the standard of life for those retarded children and hopes that you are able to support financially this Godly project.
(FWHFDY) Central Children's Hospital

In this hospital for children, the yearly health control is conducted. Furthermore, the children are inoculated the most common diseases, if medicines are available. This hospital conducts a sort of school-doctor function. Also, operations are conducted if this is concluded from the controls or if the house-doctor or outpatients'-clinic suggests so.
Organization (FWHFDY) supports by delivering medical goods - such as wheelchairs, diapers, injection squirts, and drip-sets - Also goods for child-care after operations - such as blankets, linen and baby clothing.

(FWHFDY) TBC-clinics @ (FWHFDY)

The outpatients'-clinics are the first place where people with a disease arrive. Doctors and specialist in internal medicine can conduct special tests and if required send the diseased to a specialized doctor. The TBC-clinic is specialized and treating people of all ages for TBC

Orphans @ (FWHFDY)

This house provides 4,000 to 5,000 children housing, partially orphans, all between the age 4 and 17 years. Most children's parents could no longer take care of their children, due to the situation or the children just lost their parents.

Organization(FWHFDY)supports mainly for sleeping possibilities and bring them into (FWHFDY) were they will be happy, linnen, blankets, bedding and towels. Also toys are delivered to give the children a better youth.
Homeless or poor people

Organization will distribute some of the humaniatarian goods from(FWHFDY)to the poorest families with children, who by circumstances lost their houses.

Organization (FWHFDY) supports by delivery of clothing, linnen and shoes.

For all four projects, Pastor Chris is the contact person together with Edokpa onomeasikele , his cooperation is determined which help and goods is most urgently required. This will be taken into account during the collection of aids.

Organization(FWHFDY)supports HIV patients and pray for them.

How the hell did he know I was a Pastor?