Sonia Odili - Part 2
ROBERT,
MY MOTHER SAYS THAT SINCE I HAVE GIVEN PICTURES OF MY FATHER MYSELF AND THE MONEY THAT YOU STILL DO NOT TRUST MEANS THERE IS NO TRUST.
PLEASE YOU CAN HELP MRS ABACHA AND KAMARA. I HAVE NO OTHER WAY TO CONMVIENCE SO PLEASE FORGET ALL ABOUT THE BUSINESS.
I WISH YOU GOOD LUCK WITH MRS ABACHA AND KAMARA.
I WILL TRY TO FIND ANOTHER HELP. GOD WILL GIVE ME WHO WILL TRUST ME AND WORK WITH ME. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
MISS SONIA
Mr. Hill,
I implore you to talk some sense into Miss Sonia! She refuses to obey a VERY SIMPLE request of a picture so that I may identify her. She accuses me of not trusting her. SHE'S RIGHT! I DON'T trust her since she won't send me this picture. Tell you what. If YOU send me a picture of YOURSELF holding a sign that says FELCHY PIE then I'll trust and we can move ahead with this transaction. Mr. Hill don't let this stand in the way of our being rich. I'll pay you $50,000 out of the money if you can do this.
Sincerely, Robert K. Keller
Dear Felchy Pie,
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING??? I just spent $568 on a return ticket to Amsterdam! And now you're backing out of the deal? All because you won't spend five minutes taking a simple picture? What's wrong with you? At least pay me the $120 it's going to take to cancel the ticket.
You're right. I don't trust you without the picture. You could have cut those other pictures out of a magazine or something. How would I know. You're going to sacrifice all this money due to a picture? That's stupid!
Jeez!
Mr. Potatohead
Dear Felchy Pie,
PLEASE don't abandon me!
Mr. Potatohead
DEAR POTATOHEAD,
GOOD DAY TO YOU. I RECEIVED YOUR MAIL. ALL YOU SAID WERE UNDERSTOOD. I STILL LOVE YOU BUT THE DEMMAND FOR THAT TYPE OF PICTURE IS NOT HUMAN. DONT YOU THINK I CAN FIND SOME WHO LOOKS LIKE ME TO TAKE THE PICTURE AND I SEND IT TO YOU? THE PICTURE IS NEVER SOMETHING TO PROVE MY INNOCENSE.
THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN PROVE THE BUSINESS IS GOING TO AMSTERDAM AND SEEING THINGS YOUR SELF. IF YOU DO NOT SEE THE $12M IN CASH, THEN YOU WILL KNOW I AM A FAKE BUT IF YOU SEE THE $12M IN CASH THEN YOU WILL KNOW I AM FOR REAL.
POTATOHEAD, I FOR REAL AND I HAVE MADE UP MY MIND TO TELLING YOU THE TRUTH OF MY LIFE. I HAVE GIVEN YOU THE PICTURE OF THE CONSIGNMENT AND MY PICTURES BUT YOU BELIVE IT IS FROM A MAGAZINE. I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT IDEA BEFORE. HOW YOU FIND ONE PERSON OF THE SAME FACE IN A MAGAZINE. WHO CAN I SEE MY FATHERS PICTURES IN THE MAGAZINE TOO? THAT MEANS THE PICTURES OF THE BM CAR YOU GAVE ME AND YOUR PICTURES ARE FROM THE MAGAZINE SINCE YOU HAVE THIS IDEA THAT MEANS THE PICTURES ARE NOT YOU?
POTATOHEAD, LET US BE REALISTIC IN WHAT EVER WE DO. IF YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO ASSIST ME, BUY YOUR TICKET AND PROCEEED TO AMSTERDAM TO SEE THINGS YOUR SELF? "SEEING IS BELIEVING". ONCE YOU TRAVEL TO AMSTERDAM TO BANK THE FUNDS, YOU WIL SEND THE $15,000 TO ME FROM THE $12M SO THAT I WILL ARRANGE MY TRIP TO USA.
I LOVE YOU WITH ALL HEART AND WILL CONTINUE LOVING YOU EVEN IF YOU ARE IN PARTNERSHIP WITH ABACHAS AND THE KAMARAS.
IF YOU WANT TO ASSIST ME, CALL DAVID HILL AND TELL HIM WHEN YOU ARE COMING AND ALL YOU NEED TO COME FOR THE OPENING OF THE ACCOUNT IN YOUR NAME AND THE REQUIOREMENTS FOR THE CLAIMS OF THE CONSIGNMENT.
I AM EXPECTING YOUR MAIL
YOUR LOVE, MISS SONIA ODILI
Dear Mr. Hill,
How's it hangin' bwang? You doin' OK? I hope so. Anyway, when I come to Amsterdam to make this major score who is going to pick me up at the airport. I don't know my way around Europe and will be pretty lost especially after flying for 12.5 hours. What about my hotel? Can you get me a hotel next door to a Taco Bell? I've decided that Abacha and Kamara are men and since Miss Sonia is a girl I will help her. Please let me know the details of my stay in Amsterdam, in detail.
Sincerely, Robert K. Keller
Dear Felchy Pie,
I have just written to Mr. Hill to ask him some questions about my stay in Amsterdam. How can I see the $12M with my own eyes when I get there? Will he take me to the company?
And you keep calling me Potatohead and not MR. Potatohead. It's like you're making fun of me or something. It's like you're dangling this unreachable symbol of tranquility and distress, languishing 'pon the far shores, distant and far. This is another cause for concern, since if you cannot follow simple instructions then how will you be able to find your way back from Walmart?
If the car's too PINK I can always have it painted a different color.
Sincerely, MR. Potatohead.
DEAR POTATOHEAD,
I DO NOT LKE CALLING YOU THAT NAME AT ALL? I FEEL ASHAME CALLING SOME BODY I LOVE THAT TYPE OF NAME. YOU ARE HANDSOME YET YOU CALL YOR SELF POTATOHED. IT IS VERY FUNNY. MY MUMMY LAUGH EACH TIME I CALL YOU THE NAME. IT IS TERRIBLEBUT I HAVE TO OBEY YOU.
WELL I KNOW I WILL SOON MEET YOU UP SO THAT I WILL SEE THE HEAD YOU CALL POTATOHEAD ALTHOUGH I HAVE SEEN IT PICTURE BUT IS NOT LIKE POTATOHEAD. I HATE THE NAME. I WILL NOT TELL MY SISTERS THAT YOU ARE POTATOHEAD. THEY WILL LAUGH AT ME. BY YO LOOK FINE.
I WILL SURPRISE YOU WHEN I SPEND THE CHISTMAS WITH YOU. I AM READY. MY MOTHER HAD SUBMITTED MY PASSPORT TO THE EMBASSY FOR MY VISA. WHEN YOU ARE IN AMSTERDAM, YOU WILL SEND $15,000 FROM THE $12M SO THAT I WILL SPOSOR MY TRIP. I WILL MEET YOU IN USA JUST ONE WEEK AFTER YOU ARE BACK FROM AMSTERDAM.
YES DAVID HILL MUST TAKE YOU TO THE VAULT TO CLAIM THE $12M. YOU WILL SEE IT IN CASH AS I HAVE SHOWN YOU. I WILL PROVE TO YOU THAT ALL ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP IS REAL. WHEN YOU ARRIVE, THE NEXT DAY, YOU AND DAVID HILL WILL PROCEED TO THE VAULT TO PICK THE CONSIGNMENT FROM THERE TO THE BANK FOR LODGEMENT.
1)PLEASE TRY TO ASDK DAVID HILL REQUIREMENTS FOR THE CKLAIMS OF THE CONSIGNMENT.
2) THE REQUIREMENTS FOR THE OPENING OF THE ACCOUNT IN YOUR NAME IN AMSTERDAM
IT IS DAVID HILL THAT WILL ASSIST YOU ON ALL MATTERS IN AMSTERDAM. THE MAN IS TALL LIKE YOU DO. HE IS NOT POTATOHEAD(HE LAUGHS) ARE YOU LAUGHING POTATOHEAD?
I LIKE THE COLOUR OF MY BMW. DO NOT CHANGE IT. THE COLOUR IS FEMINE COLOUR OK. I KNOW HOW TO DRIVE VERY WELL. I HOPE I WILL HAVE MY ON ROOM IN YOUR HOUSE? WE WILL NOT BE SLEEPING TOGETHER IN ONE ROOM.
HAVE YOU SEEN BINKY LATELY? I WILL SEE HER SON. YOU KNOW WHAT I WILL DO T BINKY? GUESS?
BYEEEEEEEEEEEE POTTATOHEAD
YOUR LOVE, SONIA
Dear Felchy Pie,
If you do not like the name Mr. Potatohead, then you can call me Mr. Fruitbat. Would that be better? I tend toward liking Mr. Potatohead better, though. It reminds me of a dream I once had, to sleep, perchance to dream wet. So the choice is yours ... Mr. Potatohead or Mr. Fruitbat.
I have written to Mr. Hill but I have heard nothing back from him. I hope he writes me soon. Do you think I can travel to Amsterdam and get back here in time for Christmas with you in front of the fire sipping brandy and drinking chocolate malted falcons?
I will leave the BMW pink. I like PINK!
I'm glad you asked about Binky. My dear, that's the reason I wanted that picture. I'm so ashamed. Binky has been flaunting the soccer team she's been dating and I told her I had a girlfriend who was WAY better looking than her and she called me a liar. I told her your name was Felchy Pie and she said she didn't believe me. So I told her I'd show her a picture. Now I'm looking like a fool to Binky. She has been coming over every day and stealing my Percs. What are you going to do to Binky when you see her? I can't guess.
I will await Mr. Hill's email and then book my flight to Amsterdam.
Sincerely, Mr. Potatohead or Mr. Fruitbat
hi mr. potatohead,
how are you. i am glad over our reunion. it is good two friends fight and reconcile. my mum is happy too. our relationship woill be forever.
you spend just two days in amsterdam. the business will not take two days and you are back. try to book your flight now so that you will be in amsterdam as soon as you finish with david hill.
do not forget to ask what you need for the opening of the account and claims of the consignment. i will advise you potatohead to give him your phone number so that he will call you. is is better you talk orally ok.
i hate both names. i will manager to call you potatohead. when i come over to usa, i will not call you the name. i will be calling you"rob" when i meet binky in your hose, i will lift her to the graound to live my house. if i have her e-mail address i will write her and tell her i am now mrs robert. i am too jealous mr potatohead. i will spilt fire if i see her around our house in usa. well i may come with my sister but she will go back to nigeria after the christmas. sghe is babra odili.
do not woory as you enjoy my company ok. i will make you feel you have a woman in your life. binky will be ashmed.
what is your time potatohead? it is 5pm here. can send some fine perfumes to me ptatohead?
bye darling, sonia
My dear Felchy Pie,
I'm glad I won't be in Amsterdam for too long. I might get tempted there. It's 9:00 am here.
I'm afraid I have some bad news. Binky snuck into my conservatory and read all of our emails on my computer. She hacked my password. Then she went out and broke all the windows in your BMW with a hammer. Then she said to me, "You tell that Sonia or whatever her name is that I'm going to bitch-slap her six ways from Sunday whenever I see her fat ass." Can you believe this? I'm afraid that you must hide from Binky when you're here. Binky weighs 450 pounds and is not to be trifled with! But don't worry. Mangler (my wolverine) is trained and will protect you from Binky. Oh, I wish Binky was dead.
Love, Mr. Potatohead
dear potatohead,
i will tell david hill to monitor yor movements in amsterdam so that you will not tempted. you have put off by using that word tempted. tempted for what? tell me potatohead?
if binky weighs 450b she can do nothing to me. i am a sports girl. i play foot ball. i lke it and i go on long race so she can do nothing to me. ok, when i come over, let her come and face me. i have the powers of great tyoson. tell her i said she should go and put the glasses in order. i will call the police to arrest. please do that for me potatohead.
bye, sonia
Dear Felchy Pie,
You know, tempted by those red light girls. I don't want to yield to temptation. I told Binky what you said about the glasses and she said, "Tell that flea-ridden ho-bag that I'll kick her ass." I think it's a good idea to call the police on Binky. Especially since she broke all the windows in your car!
I have a question. If your sister got married, why does she still have your last name of Odili?
Also, what kind of perfumes would you like? How would you pick them up?
Love, Mr. Fruitbat
Attn: Robert K. Keller,
I will be at schiphol airport to receive you on your arrival, you can make your hotel reservation with:
AVENUE HOTEL
NIEUWEZIJDS VOORBURGWAL 33
1012 ROAD AMSTERDAM - NEDERLAND
TEL: + 31 20 5309530
FAX: + 31 20 5309599
You will not get lost in Amsterdam, I will take care of you.
Mr David Hill
MR. POTATOHEAD,
SO YOU ARE STILL TALKING TO BINKY? PLEASE STOP THAT. I AM NOT HAPPY. SO YOU CALL HER ON PHONE WHEN SHE LEFT YOU TO ANOTHER MAN? I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR ABOUT HER. TELL HER I DO NOT HAVE A BIG ASS AS SHE HAS OK.
WELL I CALLED MY SISTER BABRA ODILI SO THAT YOU WILL KNOW SHE IS MY BLOOD SISTER OK. I LIKE HUGO BOSS PERFUMES. CAN YOU SEND SOME BY DHL TO ME? I NEED TO HAVE SOMETHING FROM YOU.
ARE STILL AHOME? ARE YOU NOT GOING FOR NBUSINESS TODAY? DO WE INVEST IN CAR EXPORT? IS IT GOOD?
HAVE A NICE WORKING DAY. DO NOT CALL BINKY NAME TO ME AND STOP COMMUNICATING WITH HER ON PHONE. SHE IS WITH ANOTHER AND STILL HAVE INTEREST ON YOU? TELL HER TO GET LOST. I HATE HER.
SLEEP WELL AND DREAM FINE. I AM GOING OUT WITH MUM NOW. WHEN YOU HEAR FROM DAVID HILL DO LET ME BKNOW K. TRY YOUR BEST TO BOOK YOUR FLIGHT FOR NEXT WEEK OK.
WHAT DO WE DO ABOUT THE CAR WINDOW THAT BAD LADY SMASHED? ARE GOING TO REPLACE THEM FOR ME?
LOVE U, SONIA
Attn: Robert K. Keller,
I am waiting for your flight schedule
David Hill
Dear Mr. Hill,
Hold your horses, dude. I won't be able to book a flight till tonight when I have some time on my hands. Can't you be more patient? Don't be a mongoloid, Hill, or I'll whomp your booTAY.
Sincerely, Robert K. Keller
Dearest Felchy Pie,
I just don't know what to do about Binky. One of the members of that soccer team she's dating is a lock-smith and he helps her break into my house when I'm at the orifice and she takes all my pills and goes through my computer emails. I think she just wants to control me for the rest of my life. I never call her on the phone, but sometimes when I come home she is there. Often passed out from too many pills and shoe sole glue.
I am having the windows replaced in the pink BMW, but Binky says she will just break them out again. I have to hire an armed guard to guard the cars. Maybe he'll shoot Binky!
I heard from Mr. Hill. He found me a nice hotel in Amsterdam. I'll make my flight arrangement when I get home.
Love, Mr. Fruitbat
DEAR MR. POTATOHEAD,
GOOD DAY TO YOU. I RECEIVED YOUR MAIL. HOW ARE YOU TODAY? I HOPR BIMLY DID NOT COME THERE TODAY? PL\EASE YOU ARE RIGHT TO HIRING A GUARD TO WATCH OVER HER WICKEDNESS. I WISH I AM IN USA, YOU WOULD HAVE SEEN WHAT I WILL DO TO HER.
BINKY FOLLOWED ANOTHER PLAY BOY AND YET DISTURBING YOUR LIFE. I AM NOT HAPPY HERE POTATOHEAD. I WISH I AM USA. I AM VERY ANGARY AS I AM WRITING THIS MAIL. BEFORE YOU TRAVEL PLEASE TAKE MY CAR TO SOME WHERE TO HIDE IT. SHE MIGHT STEAL IT. SHE IS A THIEF.
I HAVE TAKEN YOU AS MY PARRTNER AND SHE HS LOSED OUT. WHY IS SHE STILL WITH A MAN STILL LOOKING FOR YOUR FAVOUR IN LOVE? TELL HER SHE IS A LIER. I HATE HER. TELL HER THAT. SHE CANNOT DO ANY THING TO ME. TELL TOO I AM A BLACK AND BLACKS HAVE STRENGHT.
DARLING, TRY TO BUY YOUR TICKET AND TRY TO BE IN AMSTERDAM NEXT WEEK SO THAT I WILL MEET YOU UP IN USA FOR THE CHRISTMAS. THE EARLIER YOU BE IN AMSTERDAM THE BETTER. DAVID HILL WILL GIVE YOU ALL SUPPORT OK. I LOVE YOU.
HAVE YOUY ASKED ALL THE NEEDED THINGS FOR THE OPENING OF THE ACCOUNT AND CLAIMS OF THE CONSIGNMENT? PLEASE BR READY BEFORE YOU TAKE OFF. I PRAY FOR YOU EVERY DAY. YOU ARE DEAR TO ME OK.
BINKY, IS A FOOL. TELL HER I SAID SO. TELL HER TO PREPARE AND WAIT FOR ME IN USA. LET HER KNOW I CANNOT FEAR HER.
I WILL EXPECT YOUR MAIL WHEN YOU WAKE UP.
YOUR LOVE, SONIA
DEAR MR. POTAOHEAD,
I WAS ON NET TODAY EXPECTING YOU TALK WITH YOU/ I HOPE YOU ARE OK? IS BINKY THERE?
I AM EXPECTING YOUR MAIL
MISS SONIA
Attn: Robert K. Keller,
I will like a situation this fund will be transferred to your account before I close for my Christmas holiday, so please hurry up in sending your flight schedule to me.
Regards, Mr. David Hill
My Dearest Felchy Pie,
I'm sorry I haven't written until just now, but I HAVE BEEN IN JAIL AGAIN! Last night Binky came over and she was saying horrible things about you again. She said you were a Syphilitic Mongoloid Ho' and a Retarded Douche Bag and other things that I won't even mention. I couldn't stand her saying these terrible things about you. When she said you had sex with rabid hyenas and blew water buffalos on public TV I lost control and hit her in the femur with an orange claw hammer. I think I broke one of her bones, although at 450 pounds it's hard to tell. Anyway, Binky called the police and they charged me with Assault and Battery and Attempted Murder! It cost me $5,000 to get bailed out of jail. I can't stand this woman any more, Sonia. I hired a guard to watch your BMW and he told me he could "make her disappear forever" for only $10,000. I'm seriously considering taking him up on his offer. What do you think I should do? I can't wait till you're here for Christmas. I really need a woman who is not a total monster. I haven't had sex in over FIVE YEARS!!!! Binky must DIE!
Love, Mr. Fruitbat
Dear Mr. Hill,
I will make my flight reservations tonight and send them to you tomorrow. I must calm down first though. I have just gotten out of jail for ATTEMPTED MURDER! Miss Sonia will tell you all about it, I'm sure. Please pray for me.
Sincerely, Robert K. Keller
dear potatohead,
good day to you. i received your mail and surprised to hear the problem with binky again. well try as much as you can topack out of the state you are living. she cannot find you any more. payinmg a guard $10,000 is too much. find some body who can keep the car some where.
have you contacted your travelling agent? when do you hope to be in amsterdam? please potatohead try your best so thaty by next week you will send the $15,000 for my trip to usa. i need your help.
do bother your self about not having sex for the past five years when i come oover you will satisfy your self ok.
i am expecting your mail on when you intend to be in amsterdam.
miss sonia
Attn: Robert,
I received your mail and understood it, I will be waiting for your flight schedule to day. I hope you arrange for the money which you will use to secure beneficiary certificate that you will use to claim the funds
David Hill
Dear Mr. Hill,
I have made reservations to Amsterdam. How much money will I need to bring for hotels, meals, expenses, permits, your consideration, etc.? I will be arriving in Amsterdam at 7:55 am and I will need to eat something when I get there. Are you going to pick me up at the airport? If so, please send me a picture of yourself so I know who to expect. In the picture please hold a sign saying my name, Robert K. Keller. I'm tired of Miss Sonia not sending the picture I request. Send this picture or I will cancel my flight. You have until Tuesday to do this. I'm nervous about this entire thing and your cooperation will set my mind at ease.
1 Houston-Bush Intercontl, TX to Amsterdam, Netherlands on Friday, 19 Dec 2003
Delta 240 Coach (B) IAH 1:25pm
19 Dec 2003 ATL 4:24pm
19 Dec 2003 0
Delta 38 Coach (B) ATL 5:50pm
19 Dec 2003 AMS 7:55am
20 Dec 2003 0
2 Amsterdam, Netherlands to Houston-Bush Intercontl, TX on Wednesday, 24 Dec 2003
Delta 8401 * Coach (B) AMS 7:40am
24 Dec 2003 CDG 8:55am
24 Dec 2003 0
Delta 8314 * Coach (B) CDG 10:20am
24 Dec 2003 IAH 2:10pm
24 Dec 2003 0
The following fare rules apply to this itinerary - Rule 1, Rule 2
*Flight operated by Delta Codeshare Partner. Click flight number to view
flight details.
Special entry requirements exist for your destination or country of transit.
Sincerely, Robert K. Keller
Attn: Robert,
I will corporate with you but you will try to come before 19th because I will embark my Christmas holiday on the 15th.
Chose a date before 15th, so that I can be able to finish with you before closing.
I will send my picture to you on monday morning but change your schedule to a suitable time for me.
Regards, Mr. David Hill
Dear Felchy Pie,
I emailed Mr. Hill my flight schedule to Amsterdam, my flight is on December 19th but he said he won't be there then because he's leaving for Xmas. He told me that I should come around the 15th. But I can't do that because my court date for attempted murder against Binky is on the 17th. Binky broke into my house and stole my laptop and read all our emails and now knows about us. She said the only way she would drop the charges is if I gave her a million dollars out of my share of the money. DAMN THAT BINKY!!!! I'm thinking about taking the guard up on his offer and having Binky disappear forever! What do you think? I already paid for my plane tickets to Amsterdam for the 19th and now that idiot Hill springs this on me. I'm about ready to blow my brains out, Sonia. I can't stand all this pressure. BINKY MUST DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Please ask Mr. Hill to wait until I get there on the 19th. I don't understand what the big deal is. Tell him I'll give him $50,000 out of my share of the money if he'll wait for me. That should make him cancel his plans.
Love, Mr. Fruitheadpotatobat
Dear Mr. Hill,
I cannot come until after the 16th because of my court date for attempted murder against my ex-wife, Binky. She said I would have to pay her money to drop the charges, and I won't have any money until my transaction with Miss Sonia is complete. And listen, you work for ME and SONIA so you need to do what we say. I will give you $50,000 out of my share of the money if you'll stay. I still want you to meet me at the airport. How close is the Red Light District to your office?
Sincerely, Robert K. Keller
dear potatohead,
good day to you. i received your mail. my lawyewr has discussed with david hill and he has accepted to wait for you on the 19th so that you will bank the funds and go back to usa. just try your best to see that you meet up on the 19th. why do you refer toi david hill as an "idiot"? the way you talk sometimes is too bad potatohead. i am not sure you like him. because he suggested 15th and you called him idiot. if some call you idiot, will you be happy?
well please do not rough in talking. binky will not take part of the $12m. she is a lier. i cannot live to see that. tell her that i do not know her. except you can give her $1m from your share not from my share.
if getting a guard will be protective, do it. i will contribute part of my share in paying the guard. tell the guard to pay more attention on my car ok.
i am expecting your mail
your babe, miss sonia
Dear Felchy Pie,
I'm concerned about your concerns concerning my reference to Mr. Hill as an "idiot." Please don't take this too seriously. Perhaps he's not an idiot, but I think that the man is slightly retarded, Sonia. I asked him about a very important cultural aspect of Amsterdam and he acted like he knew NOTHING about it!!! If he is unable to answer simple questions about his own alleged city then that makes me slightly uneasy.
I'd like now to speak of something that's been on my mind. I'm afraid that I've been selfish, Sonia and I want to know what you think about this matter. And the matter I'm refering to is losing your virginity in the United States. Would you rather have your first sexual encounter in your own land? Is there some spiritual connection that women there have that I don't know about? If this is the case I would be happy to come there to come. This is something I've been dwelling on a great deal and I just want to make you facially happy. Are you nervous about losing your virginity? Do you think you'll need any pain pills? What if you bleed too much? I am very worried about these things, Sonia. Are there any sex acts that you will refuse to do? I will respect you in all these decisions, my love.
The guard who is looking after your pink BMW came by this morning and told me that he and his cousin, Bubba, could "make Binky disappear" for the deep discounted price of only $5,000. Do you think I should take him up on his offer? I want Binky DEAD! She'll never get $1.0 million from me OR from you! This I vow!
Please tell Mr. Hill to study the cultural aspects of Amsterdam a bit more closely. How long have you known this guy? Is he a friend of the family? How will I know him at the airport? I'm very nervous about flying for all those hours, Sonia. I've never been in a plane for that long. I suspect I may have to take some major tranquilizers in order to cope.
Also, please tell me what you meant about Binky putting the glasses somewhere. I don't know what that means.
Love, Mr. Potatohead
Attn: Robert,
I will be waiting to received you after 16th of December, I don't know any thing about red light
David Hill
Dear Mr. Hill,
I received your email and all was well understood. Will you be picking me up at the airport or will one of your associates? I need to know what you or your associate looks like. I will be carrying a large amount of cash since I don't believe in credit cards, and therefore I wouldn't want to fall in with the wrong crowd. What kind of money orders work best in Amsterdam? Should I get Travelers Express or Thomas Cook? I don't want to be high and dry when I get there.
Listen man, the Red Light District is a very big part of Amsterdam's culture. I'm shocked that you've never heard of it. It's a large district in the city where prostitutes hang out in windows with red lights (hence the name Red Light District) and you can go dip your wick 24/7. I can't believe that you haven't heard of it. You been living in a box or something? Anyway, I want you to find out how much it costs for a couple of good-looking young hookers to spend the entire night. You know what I'm saying, Hill. And DON'T TELL SONIA about this! I figure you only live once and this will be my one chance to get some European split-tail while I'm in Asterdam. It's gonna be SQUIRT CITY, bro! Email me back and let me know the prices for hookers PRONTO, dude. Hell, I'll buy you a couple of babes if you want. C'mon, Hill you know you're up for it. You ain't a fag or anything are you? I'd like to go straight from the airport to the Red Light District if you don't mind. That way we won't waste any time. How long will it take for me to get the money? Do you want me to bring you anything from Walmart?
Sincerely, Robert K. Keller
dear potatohead,
good day to you. i received your mail. how are you? well mr. david is from mauritus. he is not a dutch man. my lawyer know him not me. i have not seen him in person. my lawyer says he is a nice man and God fearing guy. he is homely and very gentle according to my lawyer. he is not a dutch man so he will not know the cultyre of the people too well. do not blame him on that.
i will lose my virginity in usa. you are the man that will do it. i know it will be very painful because if you have a strong dick, you might force blood out of it. although i will like itt so much when i do it the second time with you. i hope you are tendere in bed potatohead? well you will handle me with care. my culture permits girls to keep there virginity to who will marry them that if why you find most girls in my town still virgins at 30yrs. you will see them when i come to nigeria with you next year. you must come to nigeria with me so that you will know my people.
do not kill binky. just for the sake of God. give her waring. report her to the appropriate authorities so that she will be banished from coming to your house.just employ the guards to look after our house while you are way to amsterdam.
you will enjoy the trip to amsterdam since you are going by air. there is no problem. send a mail to david hill and ask him hoiw he will dress and how you will know him. he stands a better position to answer the questions.
you do not want to send the perfumes to me darling? i like hugo boss perfumes. send three to me by dhl tomorrow can you send it?
i love you potatohead. i am hungry of you.
your love, pie
My Dearest Felchy Pie,
I received your email and understand now why Mr. Hill is so ignorant about Amsterdam. I suspect that I know much more about his town than he does due to my research on the internet. Felchy Pie, I hope you don't bleed very much when we first do it to it. Should I buy some red sheets just in case? I will be gentle and won't do the straps until later. The red ones. Are you willing to do every sexual position and every sexual act? Do you want to watch some X-rated videos like "Deliveries in the Rear" and "Spokane Spunk Fest" and "Romancing the Bone?"
I think that if the guard kills Binky it will not be a problem. He is a smart man and has done these kind of things before, I think. This will save me a million dollars and will get rid of the Binky problem once and for all. I thought you hated her. Why do you now want to protect her?
I have bought you three bottles of perfume, but I don't know what DHL means. What does it mean? Couldn't I just ship them UPS or FedEx?
Love, Mr. Potatohead
MY SWEET POTATOHEAD,
GOOD DAY TO YOU. HOW ARE YOU TODAY? I HOPE YOU ARE DOING FINE? YES YOU WILL BUY A RED SHEET SO THAT THE BLOOD WILL NOT BEE SEEN BY ME. WELL I KNOW YOU WILL TAKE IT GENTLY WITH SINCE IT IS MY FIRST EXPERIENCE. I HAVE NOT DONE IT BEEFORE DARLING. PLEASE RESERVE YOUR SELF FOR ME. DO NOT MAKE LOVE ANOTHER WOMAN. I WILL SOON BE IN USA OK. I WONDER HOW THE NIGHT WILL LOOK LIKE. HOW WE WILL TAKE BATH TOGETHER,EAT TOGETHER, AND HAVE FIRST TIME CUT? HOW DO YOU SEE THAT SWEET HEART?I LOVE YOU DARLING.
I WILL NOT LIKE YOU TOP DO ANY HARM TO BINKY? THE BIBLE SAYS WE SHOULD PRAY FOR OUR ENEMIES. I HATE BUT SPARE HER SO THAT SHE WILL LIVE TO SEE ME OK. FORGET ALL ABOUT HER. SHE WILL NOT TAKE ANY ONE MILLION FROM YOU. WHY SHOULD THAT HAPPEN? ARE YOU OWING HER BEFORE? BINKLY IS A THIEF. JUST BECAUSE SHE HAS SEEN YOU ARE RICH MAN. I WEILL MAKE JEST OF HER WHEN I COME.
DARLING TANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BUYING MY PERFUMES. I AM HAPPYHONEY. YOU ARE REALLY A MAN TO DEPEND ON. YOU ARE RELABLE AND CARING. I WILL DO SAME TO YOU. JUST SEND THE $15,000 FROM AMSTERDAM THEN YOU WILL KNOW I REALLY LOVE YOU AND I NEED OF YOU AS MY LIFE PARTNER. WE FROM AFRICA GIVE REPECT TO YOUR HUSBANDS. THAT IS WHY WE ARE OUTSTANDING THAN WOMEN IN USA WHO DO NOT HAVE REPECT FOR THEIR HUSBAND. DONT YOU SEEHOW THAT BINKY BEHAVED? I CANNT DO THAT TO YOU.
DARLING OK SEND IT FEDEX THROUGH THE NAME OF MY FAMILY FRIEND WHO WORKS WITH FEDEX.SEND IT WITH THE NAME BELOW
MR. ANTHONY OSITA
84, AJAYI ROAD, OGBA LAGOS NIGERIA
WHE YOU SEND IT, SEND THE AIRWAY BILL RECEIPT TO ME BY ATTACHEMENT SO THAT I WILL GIVE IT TO MR. ANTHONY TO MONITOR AND PICK IT FOR ME.ONCE HE RECEIVES IT, HE WILL SEND IT TO ME. DARLING PUT IN THOSE FILMS YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT IN PARCEL SO THAT I WILL WATCH THEM. HONEY BUY THREE HUGO PERFUMES. DARLING, I WILL A NOKIA GSM MOBILE HAND SET. BUY THE ONE WITHY CAMERIA IN IT OK. I LIKE NOKIA PRODUCTSS. DO NOT FAIL TO BUY ONE FOR ME OK.
I CARRIED YOU IN MIND ALL NIGHT. MY DFRIENDS, BABRA MY SISTER ARE ALL SAYING HELLO TO YOU. THEY WILL ALL LIKE TO SEE YOU IN NIGERIA ONE DAY. I HAVE TOLD THEM YOU WILL COME SOON TO NIGERIA.
HAVE A NICE DAY SWEET HEART. I LOVE YOU. YOU ARE THE APPLE OF MY EYES.
HAVE A NICE WORKING DAY.
YOUR LOVE, PIE
Attn: Robert K. Keller,
What type of person are you? I don&Mac226;t think I live the same type of life with you. I have never touched a prostitute in my life; so don&Mac226;t think that I live the way you live. And will like us to stop such discussion please, you can come with any type of money you like but when gets to Holland you change it to EURO because they use only euros here in Nederland.
I will be at the airport to receive you but as soon as you land at Amsterdam schiphol airport you call my number 00 31 615572099so that I will know your position.
Thanks while I wait to receive you, call me for oral discussion, make sure that you call me before you take off
Regards, Mr. D. Hill
Dear Mr. Hill,
Hey listen, man. Don't get your panties all in a wad, dude! Every man who is a REAL MAN likes to dip his wick in some strange every now and then. I know that you're probably just saying this because you're afraid that Miss Sonia might find out and will tell your old lady. Don't worry, brother. Your secret is safe with me! I bet you can't wait to get out of the house and go to the Red Light District with a PRO like me! The only men that don't like to get some strange poontang now and again are FAGS, David. And I KNOW you're not a fag. At least I hope not! Therefore I am going to treat you to any woman (or women you sly dog! You DO like three-ways don't you? Hell, that's every man's fantasy!) that you want. I'll pay for everything, don't you worry. And listen, I won't tell Sonia if you won't, if you know what I'm saying. Sonia's still a virgin and I'm sure she just doesn't understand how we MEN are. You and me are gonna tear it UP in the Red Light District, man! It's going to be poozle-goo CITY! YEEEHAWWW! ON YOUR KNEES, GIRLS!!! (Ha Ha)
I don't understand your instructions regarding the airport. First you say you'll be there to pick me up, then you say I'm supposed to call you so that you'll know my position. What the hell does THAT mean? I know that the airport is a long ways from Amsterdam and I don't want to be sitting there waiting forever. Are you going to be there when I arrive or not? If not then you better have somebody else there waiting for me. Don't make me open a can of whupass on you, man!
How do I change my dollars into Euros anyway? Do I have to go to a bank first? Can you give me some change? How much do hookers cost, on average, in the Red Light District? If I was to want two girls at once and they gave me the "Black Sock" how much would that cost? How old are the hookers in Amsterdam? I don't want any old wildebeasties! I'm more into the 19 to 20 year old stuff. Get ready to PARTY DOWN, David! I sure am!!!!! I can't wait to get to Amsterdam!!!!!!!
Sincerely, Robert K. Keller
My Dearest Felchy Pie,
I got your email and I am wondering what you mean when you say "AND HAVE FIRST TIME CUT." I'm not into cutting. That sounds perverted, Sonia! What are you going to cut? The only thing I want to cut is Binky's THROAT!
I have your perfume but I must go buy you the Nokia GSM Mobile Hand Set. I'm not sure how much it costs, but if it will make you happy then I shall certainly buy it for you. What are you going to use it for? I'm afraid to send the videos to you because of their sexual content. What if they are seized by customs and you get in trouble for having porno? I don't want you to go to jail like I have been twice this month.
Mr. Hill told me to call him when I get to Amsterdam, which is WRONG. That guy is seriously brain-dead, Sonia! I asked him to meet me at the airport so I wouldn't have to wait long but he said to call him when I get there. I know that Amsterdam is a long way from the airport so I will have to wait there a long time. I am bringing several thousand dollars in cash and this will make me nervous. Tell Mr. Hill to get off his lazy ass and meet me at the airport.
Don't worry, I will not have sex with any other woman except you. I don't even know if my weiner still works since I have not used it in five years. I hope I don't dissapoint you with my performance. I have already bought some red sheets and some good pills so you will be majorly toasted when we bump uglies.
With love, Mr. Potatohead
DARLING POTATOHEAD,
GOOD DAY TO YOU. I RECEIVED YOUR MAIL. HOW ARE YOU TODAY. I MEAN FIRST CUT BECAUSE THAT WILL BE MY FIRST TIME OF HAVING INTERCOURSE WITH A MAN. YOUR WEINER WILL BE GOOD BECAUSE YOU HAVE NOT MESSED UP YOUR SELF.
DAVID WILL SURELY MEET YOU AT THE AIRPORT. IF HE DID NOT COME HIMSELF, HE MAY SEND HIS SECRETARY. DO NOT KEEP CALLING HIM BAD NAMES. YOU GET UPSET ON A SLIGHT IMPLUSE POTATOHEAD WHY? DAVID HILL IS NOT PART OF THE BUSINESS. ALL HE IS DOING IS TO SEE THAT YOU BANK THE FUNDS SUCCESSFULLY THEN OUR CONTRACT WITH HIM IS ENDED. PLEASE UNDERSTAND HIM. IF YOU LAND IN AMSTERDAM, IT TAKES YOU NOTHING TO SAY DAVID I AM HERE COME AND PICK ME UP. IT IS NOT A BIG DEAL. PLEASE UNDERSTAND HOW TO PUT SOME LITTLE THINGS BEHIND THE BACK OF MIND.
WHEN ARE YOU SENDING THE FEDEX? PLEASE TRY TO SCAN THE AIRWAY BILL RECEIPT SO THAT MR. ANTHONY WILL PICK IT FOR ME OK.
I LOVE YOU DARLING
HAVE A NICE DAY.
YOUR LOVE, MISS SONIA PIE
robert,
from your uttrances and mails i know you are just making jest of the business. i know you are not going to amsterdam. you playing jokes but i just want to see what you will do. david sent the mails you sent to him and says you are not serious. your mail is not official too bad wordings.
it is unfortunate you are behaving this way. you insult somebody because of partnership. it too bad of you.
sonia
My Dear Felchy Pie,
I don't understand your last email in the least. Remember, I suggested firing that worthless Hill long ago. Now he seems to be lying to you. BUT ... I am VERY concerned about you, Sonia. I want to know why you LIED TO ME???!!!! Remember how you told me that you didn't know Abacha? Remember that? Well, I just received an email from Abacha this morning and he enclosed this picture (I have attached the picture to this email.) Look very closely at the picture, Sonia. IT'S THE SAME TRUNK as in the picture you sent me! Why did you lie about being in a partnership with Abacha? I don't care who your partners are in this venture, but I will NOT tolerate liars. If you and Abacha plan on splitting the money that's fine, but you must be truthful with me. I bought your Nokia device last night, but I will not send it OR the perfume until you explain to me what is going on between you and Abacha!
Angrily, Mr. Potathead Fruitbat
potatohead,
good day. i do not know abacha family. my be the same company nigeria security printing and mintinting packaged that packaged my money packaged hers too. i do not know her pls.
if you want to deal with her follow her up. i have seen that you are not even prepared to assist me. i have seen a lot of jokes in you. please let us call off this partnership. david hill told me that you are not serious and it is true. you can follow the abacha family.
do not send the gift to me. send them abacha. i do not even think you bopught any gift from the way you talk.
i am tired of your type of person. follow her pls.
bye, sonia
My Dearest Sonia Felchy Pie MUGU Bitch Asshole,
Don't worry "Sonia" (or whatever your name really is), I wasn't planning on sending you anything. Indeed, for several weeks now I've been DELIBERATELY wasting your time and having a good laugh doing it. All my friends have been enjoying your emails and pictures as well. I will soon put all your correspondence and pictures on my website so that EVERYONE can enjoy them.
I've known since the beginning that you are nothing more than a Nigerian 419 scammer. I get LOTS of email offers like yours and I, along with several of my friends, make a hobby out of harrassing people like you. We love to WASTE YOUR TIME! How much time and money did you spend corresponding with me you IDIOT? Geez, you're fucking STUPID!
By the way, for your information, FELCH is a verb. It means "to suck sperm out of a homosexual's asshole." HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Please tell that FAGGOT, David Hill, that I said for him to FUCK OFF and DIE!!!!!!
I've sent your ISP information and your emails and headers to the authorities in Lagos, to the FBI, to the "Advance Fee Fraud" department of Interpol, and to the local police departments. I hope you end up in jail being some fat lesbo's BITCH. Don't forget to EAT SHIT AND DIE, Sonia!!!!!
Remember: THE WHOLE WORLD IS LAUGHING AT YOU! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Love, Mr. Potatohead/Fruitbat/Keller
Dear Mr. "David Hill" MUGU asshole cock-sucker,
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Jesus H. Christ you are fucking STUPID! How does it feel to be the one being scammed? I've known since the beginning that you and "Sonia" are nothing more than typical Nigerian 419 Scammers. And not very good ones at that. I will soon put your correspondence and pictures on my website so that everybody can enjoy them. And David, please don't forget to FUCK OFF AND DIE!!!!!!!!
Remember: THE WHOLE WORLD IS LAUGHING AT YOU! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Sincerely, Robert K. Keller
Dearest Felchy Pie,
MUGU! MUGU! MUGU!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Love, Mr. Potatohead